Daffodils

2011-01-01T23:06:00.000-08:00

020111, a brand new year, endless possibilities--it's all in how you perceive it and what you do to transform that illusion into reality. year 2010 was an eventful albeit tiring one, yet still breathtaking. let's do a brief run-through.

1. the academic progress from year1 to year2 was quite gradual. apart from the heavier workload, nothing much seemed to change. i guess the most significant thing was the experience of studying my first 2 core mods. it's intriguing how almost every substance/material in this world can be narrowed down to essentially basic structures yet still possess fundamentally different behaviors and stresses, simply by tweaking a few parameters here and there. sadly, the other mod received less rave reviews, partly due to its more vigorous and all-encompassing nature i guess. ask me personally if you want to know more, haha.

2. july gave a sense of closure to abrsm piano. after a decade of playing the black and white keys and completing the grade8 exam, i've decided that perhaps that further specialization (ie diploma) isnt exactly my cup of tea after all. haha. i'm still considering if i should complete theory thou. i still like playing the piano, just that i would prefer playing it for leisure, especially since sch term would prevent regular practice needed for diploma studies. perhaps it's time to move on to guitar. (:

3. the break from the ***** mold in dec through the shift to a new company gave me an insight into research in the defence sector. it's interesting how so many approaches can be taken to attain a certain objective. even if it isnt commonly practised, it's worth a shot as long as your reasoning is sound. i'm not sure how many people knew that i was quite disillusioned about research and the ethical issues surrounding it due to certain issues that occurred early this year. thankfully, the dec stint was quite encouraging and inspired me to explore research further. (: btw if this point on the dec stint sounds vague, that's because most details are confidential and i dont wish to draw any comparisons between this stint and the previous ones i've been on. after all, being just a student, i dont have the adequate qualifications and sufficient experience to judge companies from an outsider's perspectives. if you really want to know, then ask me personally. (:

4. the release of results in dec was a rather disappointing day. there wasnt a fall in cap but it wasnt a marked improvement either. D: in any case, regardless of the current result, i'm determined to reach *** by the end of this coming semester. i can, i must and i will. i'm sure if it's in His will, it will be possible. there can be miracles when you believe (: on a side-note, i'm thankful for my colleague/coursemate who's been encouraging me with work and results. sometimes, when all everyone's worried about is their position on the bell-curve, it's really encouraging to know that people are still concerned about you. i guess it may seem 'idealistic' but i hope that what we take away from these 4years is more than just a certificate but close knitted friendships as well.

5. i've always been hesitant about bringing friends for religious events, mainly because i'm afraid of offending them inadvertently and that i might not be able to answer difficult questions they might have. oh well, last dec, i finally plucked up my courage to ask my friend over for christmas service. thankfully, it went rather smoothly and i'll try to find out his/her response soon. (:

6. my parents' health have deteriorated in the past year so there's a greater reliance on medication now. it's a long term effect and i'm not sure how i can alleviate their condition either. i guess the best thing i should do is spend more quality time with them. given the start of the semester, it'll probably be difficult but i'm going to try. something which my cousin said yesterday struck me. pull yourself back into time and just imagine yourself as a child and wanting that new irresistible toy, your parents were willing to sacrifice that relaxing afternoon/time after work with friends to accompany you to go all the way to the mall to get a single toy. now pull yourself back to 2011, sacrificing that short outing with friends/lecture cramming shouldnt be that difficult after all. it's just a matter of perspective. if they can do so much for a toddler, then i should be able to make that additional effort as well. sometimes when i hear my dad coughing violently, i begin to worry and wonder if i've spent enough time with my parents. old people may not say much but i guess spending that extra evening with them would reassure them that they're not alone in this busy world. just food for thought that's all.

alright that's all for now. anyway i'm not sure if anyone still reads this blog, if you are, thank you for your concern and for making effort to read this blog. have an awesome 2011. it's possible. it's just a matter of perspective and a little more effort. the question is how badly do you want to make it happen? (:

farewell,

the doughnut

2010-10-20T19:33:00.001-07:00

last night, i dreamt that i was studying in the US. i guess it goes to show how badly i want to go for SEP. D: oh well, application ends in approximately 2wks and hopefully, i'll get one of my 5choices. currently, sch's just as normal. midterm results were dismal and this wkend, i'll probably be burying myself in EG and SS, due to nxt wk's presentation, report submission and midterm test. alright,i need to pry myself away from FB and MLIA to focus on these more pertinent issues.

oh, on a side-note, i met my potentially new(it's not confirmed yet) boss on monday. he seems rather down-to-earth, very knowledgeable and hands-on but a little critical on institutes and has high expectations. hopefully, it'll signal the start of a good december. only time will tell. thank God for giving me this opportunity to experience a different research environment. i guess it's time for me to pry myself away from this *****(it's confidential) mold.

here we go. (:

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-08-31T17:36:00.000-07:00

reality only strikes you in the face when you see the situation for what it truly is, a realisation that this tragic event has occurred and no amount of grief or regret will turn time back. yesterday, i saw the obituary and among the numerous faces, i spotted pk, the friend who i had the chance to know better but i never made an effort to. when i was at the wake, i just couldnt connect between the unfamiliar face and the vibrant smiley one i used to know but when i finally saw the obituary, it finally struck me that he had really gone, to a better place called 'heaven' i hope. it's hard to imagine that among the many faces printed in the obituary, there could be someone we once knew and had interacted with. i hope this wont happen again, or at least for a very long time. death is inevitable but have we fulfilled our purpose before we reach this final destination? and, what is this purpose?

these past few days, death and regret keep recurring in my thoughts. i really need to draw myself away from these negative thoughts. we cant deny that such a tragic event hasnt affected us but can it mould us for the better?

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-08-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

it's hard to fill a gap when you know that what you have can never replace it. it's hard to erase that image and memory you have of your friend and convince yourself that memory will never replay itself again. it's hard to imagine that a friend you once saw so energetic, vibrant and down-to-earth has left you, passed away; and the last physical memory you have of him is merely a cold heavily embalmed body in a casket. i had always remembered pk as a friendly hardworking vice squash captain - the guy who persevered in his matches, who always came in the first few during macritchie runs, who resolved that since since hockey trained 20rounds then squash should keep up that standard too and urged the team to do that, thou it wasnt enforced by coach at all. when i saw his body in the casket, i simply couldnt match it to that person i had in my memory. it just seemed too detached, that all that life and vibrancy could be reduced to that lifeless body. at that very instant, i was immediately disappointed and sad for not putting in more effort into getting to know him better as a friend, as a squash mate, as a school mate and now, that opportunity's gone. i really pray that he has gone to a better place called "heaven", one where everlasting life exists and the pain and anguish will cease to exist.

i really regret not making more effort to know him better. sometimes you think there's always a "next time", but you wait too long and when you finally resolve to do it, you realise that it's disappeared. life's like that, you dont know what's going to happen the next instant. i really need to cherish my family and friends, to spread the Word, to make a difference in someone's life.

i realised that each time i'm reminded of death, that memory of thaddeus replays in my head. the very first time i saw him when he moved into the neighbourhood, the kid the same age as me and his brother cycling in front of his house, young and carefree. that memory versus the triathelete printed on the newspaper headlines, one which was so unfamiliar. it was then that i realised how little i knew and understood my neighbours, people who lived so close to me yet i hadnt made a concerted effort to understand their lives and struggles. it is this memory that replays in my mind each time i encounter a situation/incident that involves death, a reminder that life is transcient and finite and not something to be wasted away.

rest in peace, pk.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-08-13T09:58:00.001-07:00

it's just the first week of school and i feel absolutely stressed. the readings are overwhelming me. :( Father, please help me.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-08-04T11:18:00.000-07:00

i guess i havent updated this blog for quite some time so oh well....here goes a quick post. (: it's currently appoximately a week before sem3 starts. i'll probably be taking 5mods this coming sem and i must admit it does feel a lil odd, reason being that most students i know are overloading and taking 6mods, makes me feel that i'm not pushing myself hard enough.D: then again, i guess since there isnt any arts gem that interests me, i should simply wait for next sem. undoubtedly, overloading nxt sem would be more difficult, considering there's 5cores but it's a necessary burden.

anyway now that the piano exam's over, this hol's been quite relaxing, at least i managed to cycle to a few new places. today, for the first time ever, i cycled to toa payoh and just over the last couple of days, i covered kovan and bishan. interesting trips coupled with food stalls i've not encountered before (:

term's starting in a week. most mods this sem cover chem so i'm a lil jittery abt it. oh well, i'm sure if it's in His will, there's definitely a way so i'll just try my best and we'll see how it goes. hopefully, i'll do well enough to go for sep and ia. no point in worrying for what hasnt happened yet anyway.

i hope to start sharing with xh this fri about the gospel. the problem is i'm not sure what material to use and worried that i'll be stumped by questions. hopefully, all will go well.

alright, that's all for now. btw if you're still reading at this point, thanks so much and i really appreciate that you still care to read these posts, however infrequent and boring it may be. haha.:D

farewell,

the doughnut

2010-06-03T02:53:00.000-07:00

recent events have caused me to be increasingly disillusioned about research and scientists' ethics. i cant divulge details cos its confidential. sigh, perhaps i should reconsider this career path after all. sometimes, you think that you know a person but it's simply a facade. sigh. i'm honestly sorely disappointed.

on a lighter note, i received my results on monday. it's slightly better than last sem but still....bad. =\ i really dont know how else to improve it further. argh.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-05-29T22:03:00.001-07:00

went for adidas sundown yst, 10km in 1h10min (: thank God i managed to complete it at all (: actually, i dont feel extremely exhausted yet. i think the pain from my toe is blinding the fatigue. it's kinda swollen and blistered. hopefully, it'll recover soon cos some cycling before the release of results (tmr) would be nice. haha. thank God for sustaining me through the race. :D

letting go isnt easy and forgetting is difficult but seeing that you're happy this way, i'll try to. just give me time cos it isnt easy. sigh, i guess you probably dont realise it anyway.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-05-25T11:10:00.000-07:00

today i realised that planning logistics for camps is quite difficult after all. sigh, i'm sorry that i'm not doing a great job but i'm trying my best, so hopefully, all will go well. =\ fog camp starts in 2days and i dont think i've ever been so busy planning for a camp, not even for games last yr. haha. anw i'm sure He will make a way so...not to worry. (:

i realised i didnt blog about my hk trip. i guess most people already have a rough idea of the major attractions in hk so i'll just give a short description of my trip. overall, the trip was quite fun and an eyeopener (i havent travelled overseas for 5years!). we spent day 1 at victoria peak(breathtaking picturesque scenary, my first time being on a such a high peak, the tram ride was rather exhilarating esp since the path was so steep that the tram was almost vertical! day 2 was originally planned for ocean park but the rain thwarted our plans so we spent the day shopping instead (mostly at h&m and harbourcity). we didnt get anything from harbourcity thou, cos it retailed high end fashion goods. we ended the day with the victoria harbour laser shop, which highlighted most of the major skyscrapers but it became quite a drag after some time. day3 was spent at ocean park, exciting theme park rides, interesting animal show with seals and dolphins, the first time i could see so many jelly fishes (it reminded me of avatar, haha). day 4 was spent at disneyland. although we paid considerably more than ocean park, it was quite a disappointment thou. perhaps i would have enjoyed it more, if i was younger, haha. disney certainly achieved their goal in creating the unique child-like magical experience, complete with dressed-up princesses, life-size floats, elaborate castle structures. however, probably due to the fact that it caters to children, the thrill factor of their rides tended to rather muted (including space moutain, an indoor in-the-dark roller coaster) thou i've to admit their 3D musical experience was terrific. all in all, i still enjoyed it although more thrilling rides would have been fun. (: day 5, our flight was in the morning and we almost missed it! we didnt know that 2 transition trains had to be boarded before we could reach the flight gates. i think they should have informed us of this transition beforehand. 30min for such a long transition is really quite a rush. oh well, thank God that we still managed to board the plane in time. (:

adidas sundown 10km run on saturday. hopefully, all goes well. (:

alright, that's all for now.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-04-17T02:15:00.000-07:00

spent 2hrs tossing and turning but couldnt get to sleep thou i was so tired sigh. it's a daunting week ahead.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-04-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

i havent really done much physically/mentally stuff. yet, i feel tired half the time. exams are in slightly more than a week's time and thou i'm not frantic yet, i feel quite burdened due to all the topics which i've not revised. the flu's really getting to me and i've no idea how to solve it. antihistamine merely keeps it at bay for abt a day or so and then it's back again with a vengeance, which also explains why i tried to avoid studying at the library today or ppl would have wondered why i keep sneezing continually. heh. i mean, a daily dose of antihistamine is definitely not a long time solution! sleep does seem to help a little, thou only temporarily. yst, i slept from 7pm-8am. this isnt a short term solution either cos i definitely need the time to study! sigh, hopefully the weather wont be too for the next 2weeks so i can continue studying at home. =\ i guess that's all for now, i really need the discipline and wisdom to study. :((

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-04-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

got to eat cheesecake and donuts this week cos my sis kindly brought some cake home and my friend brought extra donuts to sch. yayness. (: i've a midterm test this thursday and another one next tuesday. alright, enough said, let's get down to work.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-03-30T07:26:00.000-07:00

saw this image while blog-surfing. pretty awe-inspiring. (:

the final sem exams hype is up and as you walk ard on campus, those 3 dreaded words continually pop up in some conversation or other. like it or not, its time to hit the books/notes because the bell curve's out to get you. on a lighter note, i'm considering if i should go for new creation's meditation series sermon tmr. i found sunday's sermon quite helpful. oh well,i guess that's a good incentive for tackling nasty physics questions tonight (in the event that i dont fall asleep while studying again!).

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-03-28T05:44:00.000-07:00

ouch. yesterday, I fell down on the gravel path beside the bus stop while I was hurrying to mpsh. that means possibly no running/training for 1-2weeks till the bruise/minor injury heals. sigh. on a lighter note, today's biathlon was an intriguing affair, given that it was my first time helping out at such a sports event. i was quite impressed by the determination of some of the competitors who were swimming at the pool, especially during the transition where a few slipped and fell while hurrying to change into running gear. i guess i should take a leaf out of their book and adopt such an attitude of determination and discipline as well. haha. (:

final exams are in 3 weeks! (excluding reading week). i think i should visit my best friend, mr. library everyday next week. then again, that doesnt mean neglecting piano practice either. D:

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-03-26T07:53:00.001-07:00

the eczema's acting up again. my feet have been in pain the entire day and i dont know what to do. maybe it's just the stress building up as final exams approach around the corner. i realised i've not been well for any entire week since sch started in jan. how sad. anw back to work, i cant believe my flu's isnt any better after a 5hr nap from 5-10pm. D:

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-03-23T08:50:00.001-07:00

i think my eczema's back and back with a vengeance. ouch. it's a horrible feeling.

it was so awkward in the library today. i dont even know what to say anymore. learning to let go is easier said than done.

ran 10rounds on sunday (: for once, i feel physically accomplished although the same cannot be said academically. i need to pull myself back into the thats-enough-its-time-to-study mode again.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-03-17T09:12:00.000-07:00

ran 8 rounds around the neighbourhood today. that's more than 3.2km (i think) and i've been feeling nauseous ever since i came home. i hope there's nothing wrong with me.=\

has it ever struck you that death is so real? it can happen at any place, any time. one of my friend's mum just contracted cancer and i really hope that the operation will go well. i cant bear to see yet another person i know upset and in pain.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-03-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

it's a mega catch-up week, with a ton of backlog from the the time i used to study for midterms. i just realised that finals are barely 6weeks away so i should get over the whoohoo-midterms-are-over-lets-slack mood and get down to work. D: oh well, anyway i'm still considering if i should go for tonight's choir concert. sadly, i cant find anyone who wants to go as well. apparently, most people i know arent interested in vocal. sigh. oh well, if i can catch up on math by this afternoon which is quite a tall order, i might consider emarking on the lonely journey to the esplanade after all.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-03-06T06:48:00.000-08:00

mid-terms are finally over. for quite a while, i thought i was trapped in a world of tests, ceaseless studying, coughs and flu. thankfully, part of that's over for now. (: thank God (: i'm still coughing rather badly, which explains the weird looks cast on me when my throat starts giving me problems in deathly silent exam halls and tutorials. =\ i think i'll visit uhc on monday in search of a remedy, haha.

on a lighter note, we've finally booked the holiday tickets! how exciting. (: its been almost 5years since i've stepped out of the country. i shall start learning cantonese to prepare for this trip. hopefully, it'll be fun and interesting, without any hiccups.

just yst, i started training for the 10k marathon. considering that i took 20min for merely 320m, there's definitely a long way to go before i can confidently say that i'm fully prepared for it. alright, here begins the weekly training/running sessions. (:

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-03-01T21:06:00.000-08:00

this cough/flu is getting to me. i honestly felt suffocated during yst's math test. i cant wait for a break in may. argh, i need to stop falling sick.

2010-02-19T02:38:00.000-08:00

had quite a relaxed wk: cny visits, holiday plans with des, birthday celebrations at suki sushi and caught percy jackson. yayness(: its one of the few movies i've caught in a long while and it was quite gd. just one afterthought thou, i cant imagine how it would be like not to have the care and concern of an actual parent. somehow, popular culture doesnt depict being close to one's parents as an awesome thing, especially with terms like "mummy's boy/girl" etc. if i could relive my teenage years (which are ending in 6mths!), i guess i would have tried to be closer to them thou. oh well, on a more serious note, i need to submit my psych term paper soon and i cant seem to think of a concrete plan for it. i was telling my sister about the points and apparently, it doesnt answer the question at all so i've to reconstruct the essay again. sigh. oh well, i guess i should put pen to paper and stop slacking. haha.

farewell,

the doughnut

2010-02-11T08:22:00.000-08:00

singing in the rain is just so difficult. and i wonder if you will ever realise that. i think i should bury myself in work to take my mind off other things. this is so very very difficult.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2010-02-07T04:48:00.000-08:00

i guessed since i havent blogged in ages, i should give an update on how my life has been, to the few souls who still care to read this blog (if there are indeed any). heh. life's been alright so far. note: alright is not equivalent to good. it simply means as usual, the norm, bearable. cny is coming up this wkend and i just caught the flu bug yesterday. sigh. one thing which amazed me thou was that however coincidental it may be, the flu seemed to be much milder almost immediately after service ended, after the benediction. thank God (: otherwise, i would be spending another 16hrs in bed today again. =\

on a stranger note, i've been in quite an emo/comtemplative state these few days. after watching 2010 and going through the 'live like you were dying' series, i've been reflecting upon my life, whether it truly has a purpose and whether i've been appreciating friends and family who have accompanied me through this journey of life, short as it may be...and i guess i really need to make a concerted effort to be slow to anger and quick to love. i realise i seem to take so many things which my parents and friends do for granted, even cut fruits and printed notes. life's a miracle and i really need to cherish it for what it's worth. death is such a real possibility yet most people simply brush it aside. sometimes, i wish i had known my grandma and my neighbour better because that opportunity is now gone. anw just today, i waited half an hr just to surprise my mum (and to get something fr her as well!haha) and accompany her to get apples from ntuc. it amused me for a moment that i used to take such joy in doing these mundane activities when i was younger but i guess it really struck that such simple small efforts could paint a smile on your parents' face. they're getting old and i really should harder to appreciate them. perhaps it was a blessing in disguise to be down with a flu today. it's so easy for us to speak sweetly when we're in high spirits and in the pink of health and just yst, when the flu was 'killing' me (i honestly felt as though i was being suffocatedD:), that i discovered how hard it was to speak sweetly and think of others. just imagine trying to do something for others when you're in a foul mood! oh well, at least it put things in perspective and made the series just a lil more realistic. haha.

mid-sem tests are approaching and with each passing day, i feel as though i'm just wasting my life away. the week seems to fly by in the wink of eye. yet, when i look at my organiser, it seems that i havent got much done. argh. for example, i've to complete 4tutorials tonight. i seriously need to put my time spent in sch to better use. =\

the household could potentially be approaching a finiancial situation and we havent exactly figured out a solution as yet. meanwhile, i'm still forking out money to pay for piano fees and without any income adding to the account, this definitely isnt a long term solution. which explains why i've resorted to bringing bread to sch for lunch and dinner. how sad. D:

just looking at all the fb clique photos makes me wonder how i spent the past 2years but i guess if i had a second chance, i would have made the same choice again, simply because i'll never abandon a friend in need. and i wonder if this friend will ever appreciate this. sigh.

yjsml upi apbr gpt yrsvjomh zr jrstyntrsl. dohj.

on a lighter note, i cant wait for nov19! hp in 3d here i come. :D

alright that's all for now. (:

Farewell,

the doughnut

2009-11-05T00:27:00.000-08:00

like dawn without light. that's how my world feels like right now. when hope fades and is replaced by a brooding sense of darkness and despair. is there still a point in trying when after all has been said and done, with a sudden sense of hopelessness, you realise your efforts have been futile. a tiresome dreary journey fraught with fatigue. sometimes, i question myself if i've truly chosen the correct course or has been one of the countless mistakes i've made in this perilous journey of life. when i compare myself to others in the same course, a tremendous feeling of inadequacy overwhelms me, like how an ant is climbing a mountain and it seems that it'll reach the summit because it's simply too high, too difficult, too daunting. and i wonder if others will ever know how i feel, not just because they havent read this blog but because it seems that somehow, somewhere along this ambition-driven academic path, we've morphed into strangers, oblivious to the kindling of friendship and the presence of things, other than the tangible academic transcript. and you'll never understand the pressure i face. academic stress is one thing. it can be overcome by sheer effort. consequences on the family structure are another. it's a terrible feeling to be the last one, an accumulation of pressure suffocating and smothering you. the consequences are unimaginable.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2009-10-18T07:37:00.000-07:00

updates! (: alright i'm back after leaving my blog silent and dusty for eons, haha. anw it's a sunday night and i've tons of schwork to complete so updates will be in point form. here it goes.

1. the past few weeks have been the usual so far ie hectic, busy, lectures and tutorials as usual.

2. received my results for mid-sem tests. apart from econs (which was manageable thkfully), everything else is absolutely terrible. sigh. i desperately need to understand all the concepts, practise intensively and do well for end-sem exams (in approximately 1mth).

3. due to the poor mid-sem performance, i've resorted to poring over my notes in the library almost daily. argh, i have no wish to morph into a chao mugger but at this rate, i doubt i'll be left with any other choice! =\

4. my dad's currently in hospital so i hope he'll recover soon and there will no complications. if u want to know what happened, ask me personally.

5. an incident on fri night has left me feeling confused and unsure. sigh, i hope i did the right thing. i dont want to wreck a friendship. feelings are after all, temporary and may not stand the test of time. my mind's in an awful state of turmoil right now.

dohj og pmau i lmre. o epmfrt jpe upi epiaf grra.

6. i'm going for a forum tmr, where lky will be present. i think it'll be interesting to listen to the debate of issues between ppl on the ground (students) and someone who has brought spore through such a long significant span of history. (:

7. there's yet another programming sit-in lab this wed and i'm desperately practising, in hope of doing well for it. it's a core module and i absolutely cant afford to perform badly. =\ i'm sure He'll bring me through it all. (:

8. applied to 2 firms for an attachment in dec. one of them hasnt replied me yet thou. hopefully, i'll be able to work on a project that's of interest and relevant to me. it would provide an insight into a intriguing area of research i havent discovered before....and at least i wouldnt be whiling my time away aimlessly in dec. haha. oh well, hopefully my application will be successful. (:

alright, back to work.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2009-09-24T22:37:00.000-07:00

mid-semester tests are nxt week and somehow i dont feel that what i'm studying is adequate. sigh. the more programming questions i do, the more mistakes i get, the higher the panic level rises. someone save me. rahh.

Farewell,

the doughnut

2009-09-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

i realised that i havent blogged for eons and eons and eons....haha. i've been up to my neck with 4hr piano practices per day (my piano exam was last tues), tutorials and lectures. the piano exam had quite a few glitches, such as a misplayed scale (because i didnt know which scale the examiner referred to) and mistakes in aural. oh well, hopefully, i'll still pass the exam. if not, i'll consider retaking abrsm next year. we'll see. =\ anw it's a sat night and i'm busy doing my critique because it accounts for 35% of this sem's marks and is due on tues. alright, i guess i ought to stop digressing from work and focus on researching for possible sources.

on a lighter note, my birthday was last thursday and it was a fun-filled delightful wk. (: celebrated with the cell grp after church on sunday, celebrated with mse mates at swesens on wed, met up with abigail on thurs morning, dinner with des and yj on thurs night and last but definitely not the least, birthday celebrations with my family on thurs night. i think i probably ate ard 4cheesecakes in all last wk. lol. :D thank you so much everyone for taking time to celebrate with me. in fact, i realise this year might actually be the first time in 12years that i'm celebrating it cos' the mood of the previous years had been weighed down by approaching end-yr exams and prelims. haha. i was pleasantly surprised when a friend actually hand-made a design on a shirt for me, using beads and dyes to get the picture. i really appreciated the effort and time involved, thank you! (:

alright, back to critique writing. so long and farewell, friends. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-08-29T03:21:00.000-07:00

alright, this will a short post due to time constraints. :(( anw tutorials started this wk and we've sit-in lab nxt wk, something which i'm kinda dreading. programming isnt exactly my cup of tea you see, haha. anw i'm been feeling kinda stressed, due to the upcoming piano exam, tutorials and assignments which are accumulating cos i spend my time practising piano and being fustrated over programming questions which i cant solve, thou others find it easy peasy. sigh. my apologies for sounding so angsty bt somehow, i feel that i'm gradually being driven up the wall. rahh. actually the only thing which i'm craving for now is simply a long bicycle ride to thomson and chicken soup from coffee culture (yes, this is random, haha) but i guess it'll have to wait till these assignments are completed. =\

the weekend to-do list
1. programming lab 1 ex2-4
2. study for wed's sit-in lab
3. programming tut1&2
4. econs tut 2
5. critical thinking critique
6. position paper research
7. math tut 2
8. physics online assessments
9. last but not definitely not the least, PIANO PRACTICE! (i hope i didnt miss out anything)

i'm still wondering how i can possibly complete these chunk of stuff by tmr. sigh. anyway, on a lighter note, i've decided to go the comex fair nxt wk to get a printer. hopefully, i'll be able to clinch a worthy bargain. haha. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-08-22T09:02:00.000-07:00

school's been hectic so far. an onslaught of lectures, tutorials to complete, online assignments to grapple with, ccas to audition/join, last min rush to print notes esp since i dont have a printer at home. sigh, i'm so stressed that i've a runny nose agn(something which usually acts up severely in exam/stressed conditions). sometimes, i find myself questioning if i've indeed made the right choice for my course. apparently, it seems that almost everyone else is able to complete assignments and tutorials without much difficult while i'm struggling helplessly. rahh, how demoralising. oh well, i guess i shdnt be so emo and upset such an issue. after all, it was what i expected when i chose the course (judging from the high cut-off, haha) so at least i'm mentally prepared for the competition and competance of fellow coursemates. since i've made this choice to pursue my interest (which isnt necessarily what i'm strong in), i've just gotta hang in there. i'm sure He'll make a way for me. (: now...back to tutorials and programming. haha.

alright, so the official piano exam date is finally out -- sept8, causing me to be quite frantic. in fact, "quite" is an understatement. "total panic" would be a more apt description. realistically speaking, i dont have high hopes of even passing it. practice makes perfect. it's applicable to every musician, even those who are highly talented. i've been so caught up with sch work, lab stuff (the past 7months) and stopped piano last yr for alvls so i havent had much time to practise. little as it is,i'll still try my best these final 2 crucial wks to practice and give it my shot. practice in the late morning, sch in the afternoon, practise till 10pm, study into the night, repeat. i guess this will probably be the routine for the next 2 wks. rahh.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-08-10T01:48:00.000-07:00

school starts tmr. imagine putting pen to paper after having more than half a year of siesta aka holiday, *gulp* i hope i still remember all the concepts during math lecture tmr. haha. i'm dont really feel the jitters yet thou. maybe they'll set in tmr during the bus journey. heh. oh well, hopefully it'll be fine. anw i just realised that i dont know any girl from my cs tutorial grp. D: sigh, time to start making friends quickly. (:

on a lighter note, i went to to the num sale yst to get 2 pairs of sandals. :)) half price for 2items sounded almost too gd to be true so i couldnt resist the temptation to shop. haha and......i'm still considering if i should get another pair before the offer ends today. ;)

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-08-06T02:01:00.001-07:00

warning: module bidding in progress. beware of furrowed eyebrows, waning patience, increasing fustration and incredulous gasps as the figures multiply on the computer screen. sigh bidding is so fustrating. i simply cant comprehend what the dept is trying to do. firstly, our core module is removed on the morning of rd1 so we've to plan our modules from scratch. secondly, another core module is added on the morning of rd2 so we've to plan our modules from scratch yet again. to complicate matters, the addition wasnt uniform so some students werent allocated the module. for better or for worse, i was in the latter. =\ since i still cant find a suitable arts gem, i'm appealing for the core module. hopefully it'll be successful so i wont have to waste a uem. D: oh well, i guess i shall know the results in a few days' time. after all, sch starts on mon. back to the books again! haha, i'm not that excited but i guess a new environment wld be refreshing. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-08-01T08:18:00.000-07:00

i guess i've been on a blogging hiatus for quite some time. anw here's a few updates on my not-too-interesting life, heh.

bidding for modules started last wk, leaving me rather fustrated with the system as i couldnt get the module i wanted nor a suitable time slot. =\ sadly, the only successfully bidded module was an english module and the time slot's on thurs ie. i've to return to sch every day of the wk. sigh. oh well, anw rd2 starts on mon and i hope i'll be able to successfully bid for an easy/interesting module with the limited points i have. haha.

there's a double degree talk on wed and i'm still considering if i should go for. on one hand, i feel that a deeper understanding of phy would aid in research if i eventually decide to venture in that field. on the other hand, i'm not even sure if i'll qualify for the ddp. besides, a minor in bioeng/life science would probably be better than the ddp, if i decide to research on biomaterials in future. perhaps i'll just go for the talk to find out more i guess.

since i'm not going for owk, i've 1 more wk till sch starts. when the reality bites and the avalanche of new concepts,lectures and tutorials launch an attack into my life, haha. i should fully utilise the last wk of my holiday to practise piano before it's too late for regrets. 4weeks left! rahh.

with the beginning of a new phase of life, it's inevitable to fear the unknown. it's a completely new system of learning, new friends, new environment, new timetable, new workload and the list goes on. i pray for strength, wisdom, favour and an open mind to embrace this new beginning. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-07-27T04:28:00.000-07:00

5more weeks! it's an alarmingly short time before the ominous piano exam looms ard the corner. gd grief, i guess it's really time to start playing the black and white keys intensively. it's the last grade so i want to give it my best shot. i can, i must and i will. sigh, anw i think i practised so much on sunday that i sprained my wrist. ouch. =\ it's painful when i bend my wrist or attempt to turn it. hopefully, it heals soon cos' i really need to practise. for now, i'll just apply the deep heat rub, bear with the pain and continue practising till the pain reaches it's threshold. sigh. :((

tmr's nus registration so i hope everything goes well ie correct forms, fast process etc. anw bidding starts on thursday. that's apallingly fast. i pray that i'll choose the modules correctly and i'll be able to get a gd time slot with nice friends. haha. (:

on a heavier note, i think i'll be withdrawing from owk after all. i desperately need to use the remaining time to practise piano. oh well, at least 1 consolation is that others on the waiting list will get the opportunity instead.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-07-19T00:47:00.000-07:00

9hrs of cycling from 7pm-6am was gd. in fact, it wasnt enough i daresay. haha. anw we made our way ard the eastern part of the island, namely ecp, changi, bedok, aljunied and geylang. it was refreshing to feel the wind agst your face, without the glare of the evening/afternoon sun for a change. it was an opportunity to get to know other seniors as well, thou we interacted with the year2s more than the year4s. anw most ppl were so shagged by 5am that only 6 of us cycled to the jetty, in an attempt to catch a glimpse of sunset, which was unfortunately obstructed by the clouds. rahh, yet another thwarted attempt. =\ oh well, at least it was still a rather fun trip. i certainly wouldnt mind another trip anytime soon! haha. (:

on a heavier note, a strange unknown person called me recently. apparently,this person knows my name and number. how freaky. =\

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-07-11T09:55:00.001-07:00

ouch, my ankle hurts. went to the sinseh yst, in hope of getting a fast effective remedy for my ailing ankle, which explains why i'm sitting with my leg propped up on a chair now with this "herb-like" bandage covering the ankle. i really pray that it works. honestly, all i want to do right now is to go cycling, something which i've dreaming of for the past 7mths but never accomplished due to work committments. :'( sigh. i'm not even going to church tmr cos' i think it could be difficult to climb the stairs. lol. anw one thing's for sure, i'll be more careful during the next engin camp to prevent the reocurrence of such an accident. rahh.

in need of divine healing (:
Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-07-09T01:21:00.000-07:00

so i'm stuck at home for this entire week and possibly (but hopefully not) a few days next week as well -- all because i bruised my leg during camp last wk. rahh =\ honestly, i dont see how i could have injured it so badly. everyone played the same balloon fight and had the same bruises but mine still havent healed. it's fine when i walk along the road but when i press the "blue-black", it's still quite painful. conclusion: it hasnt healed yet so i'm confined to the four walls of my house until it heals. gahh. =\ i pray that it heals by the end of this wk cos' i've 2 cycling trips next wk, night cycling with nus pals and ecp cycling with church friends. sigh. i looking forward to this wk where i thought i would be able to window-shop, cycle and play badminton, until i realised i shdnt be walking ard. ... O.o sadly. =\

anw since i've been confined to my house, i've been busy packing my room. you can imagine the amount of junk that's accumulated, judging from the amt of time i've spent packing. it's almost been 2 days and i've not even completed half the amount of notes and books! haha. alright, i guess i should get back to packing. on a lighter note, regardless of this bruised ankle, i'm going out for dinner with peishan tonight. we havent met for eons, haha. (:

mpwf bu hjstu tjhiu, jg pomz zpv lofx. tjhi.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-07-04T10:00:00.001-07:00

this is my 2nd post within the same day. i just realised after my lab attachment ended, i've been whiling the days away, playing useless games on facebook. rahh. this seems rather disturbing, considering i was saying to myself a few days ago that i should be making my holiday fruitful. alright, here's a list of what i've gotta do or at least what i hope to do before august looms closer ard the corner.

the holiday agenda (ironically)
1. begin exercising again! (this shall be elaborated upon in the next few points)
2. badminton with dhini and huili! (:
3. cyling (i couldnt do it today cos' my ankle and back were aching from the camp =\ )
4. shopping for more clothes, shoes, flip flops (it wouldnt be strange if i were to wear the same thing to sch everyday. heh.)
5. learn korean (through dramas, language bks in kinokuniya which is my favourite bookshop btw)
6. piano practise before i start panicking when the exam confirmation slip arrives! my condolences to anyone who has to listen to me practise. trust me, i share the same sentiments as you. =\ i dont have a choice but to practise thou.
7. pack my room and organise it before it spirals into pile of rubble consisting of a lvl notes, books etc.
8. budget holiday (tentative due to the h1n1 hysteria)
9. anything else which i might think of in the next few wks

anw i think i forgot to mention this in my last post. ouch, for some reason or other, the camp has left me with muscle aches in my ankle, back, stomach and arms. it's kinda strange, considering we hardly participated in any strenuous activities. each time i stretch, my stomach hurts, the same feeling you get after you've done too many situps. ouch. it's affecting my appetite as well and i dont really feel hungry throughout the day. oh dear, i hope this awful feeling disappears soon. =\

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-07-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

backk from camp! (: on the whole, it was alright i guess. first day at nus was a lil boring with standard icebreakers, introduction games and amazing races. 2nd day at sentosa was more fun thou, with water bomb games, dunking into the sea, broken telephone games, bbq at costa sands and a failed attempt in watching the sunrise. haha. all in all, i'm quite happy in the sense that at least i managed to get to know other freshies, seniors and find out abt courses,lectures etc. having a small cohort has it's pros and cons, ranging from closer-knitted friendships to a higher level of competition within the cohort. oh well, since i've already entered this course, i'll give it my best shot to make the most of these 4years (hopefully). (:

on a lighter note, i'm still deciding if i should embark on a self-declared budget holiday overseas. the problem is i cant find ppl and a suitable package to go on. rahh. =\

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-06-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

this will be a short post, reason being i need to sleep early tonight in preparation for camp tmr. it's my first uni orientation camp. i'm not sure how i'm supposed to be feeling but all that clouds my mind is simply fear, a twinge of excitement and slight fatigue. fear of meeting a huge group of people whose paths i've not crossed before, fear of not being able to blend into the elite crowd, fear of not being able to find true friends, excitement of a whole new beginning, finally a fresh breath of air from white labcoats and scientific papers (haha!), fatigue from this whole range of activities which i've been occupied with since a lvls ended. for the past 2 days, i've been busy sewing my mentor's bear and researching for possible holiday packages (which we couldnt find eventually=\ ). i'm really not sure how the next 3 days will turn out but i pray and i believe that He'll bring me through it. i can, i must and i will make it fruitful. alright, time to cast these fears aside and dare to step into tmr's new beginning.

on a different note, i had a farewell lunch with dr chow,celeste and jeremy at swensens today. (: a light-hearted chirpy affair. i guess one of my greatest regrets as a student is that i didnt manage to get to know my mentor better, on a more personal level, such that the only permissible topics are simply work and random world/national news. perhaps it's just the conservative asian culture or the mentor-student hierarchy, i dont know. oh well, at least this 2nd project/attachment opened my horizons to cell culture and mbrs. not all was in vain and i learnt new techniques and gained exposure, albeit the lack of evaluation of data. thank God for this opportunity. (: anw i really hope sue and dr chow liked the bears cos' i spent many days sewing them! haha. :D

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-06-26T08:33:00.000-07:00

when the clock strikes midnight tonight, my first full-time research attachment contract will end officially. today was my last day at the lab, a day of exit ppt, clearing expt stuff, reminiscing on the past 7mths and saying goodbyes. thou i had spent the initial part of this week fretting about expt results and wishing this long awaited break to arrive, it was only when i started clearing stuff in the afternoon and had time to reflect upon my attachment, only then did i realise that i had developed a sense of attachment to this place where white coats, blue gloves, pipettes and well plates were the norm. i guess this attachment has truly allowed to experience how researchers work, their gripes, difficulties, how friendships can be forged between strangers in a matter of days, working together in a team of different nationalities, learning to analyse results when all seems haywire and much more which this page isnt enough to cover. i wont forget the memories of this place nor the friendships forged during this period of time. i dont know how long it can last or if it can last but at least i can say with absolute confidence that i didnt spend my holiday slacking at home, waiting for time to pass by meaninglessly. i really liked my labmates, the friendly environment where questions were welcomed with a smiley face, the daily lunches and time laughing at each other's jokes, the times where we celebrated someone's birthday in the pantry and many more memories i'll miss in time to come. even as i was cleaning my workspace today, i was surprised that students and other staff in the lab whom i didnt usually speak to, wished me farewell and all the best for uni. it was kinda heartwarming that although we might have actually spoken to each, our interaction could have made an impact on each other's lives or at least research journey. i'm thankful as well for my mentors, who didnt set tight deadlines for me and tried their best of their ability to help me with expts, ppl who made an impact in my life, offering me advice on uni choices and courses while i was at a loss of what to do. i dont know if we'll meet at the crossroads of life again but i hope that if we do, it'll be another meaningful memorable encounter. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-06-09T06:50:00.000-07:00

aright, time for updates and in point form as usual. heh.

1. started on my new project for attachment last wk so today was the start of the 2nd wk of my new project. it's quite interesting but time-consuming due to the long waiting hours between expts. sigh. the problem is everyone's so paranoid and worried about bacteria infection/contamination that i'm getting increasing apprehensive abt even continueing the expt. =\ all of a sudden, i feel really tired and exhausted. i just realised that i've been working for more than 6mths without a break (excluding wkends). gd grief, it's the longest time period which i've worked for, considering that even school students get dec and june holidays! haha. oh well, it's only 3 more wks so i shd persevere and make the most out of this attachment. (:

2. we had a "sclubseven" get-together last sunday at ms. i find it amazing that we've managed to stay in touch these 6years, considering that we've been in different classes and schools. it's my hope that our friendship will stand the test of time and the next phase of life -- uni. thank God for friends. (:

3. just completed watching all 25episodes of "boys over flowers". (: eye-candy and an awesome soundtrack aside, i guess it's broadened my perspective of life and relationships. sometimes, when we love/cherish a person too much, the best thing we can give is sacrifice and in some cases, separation. after all, i feel that the best thing you can give to someone is happiness, an intangible element which cannot always be bought with money. one phrase which struck was this line "i was just a passing breeze you mistook for air". some opportunities only cross your path once and after you've bypassed it, it can never return. we're so often trapped between the perilous positions when making choices/decisions -- to be or not to be, to accept or reject, to go or stay etc. i pray for wisdom that i'll make the right decisions in uni and not be overwhelmed by regret once the moment as passed me by.

4. i desperately need to get more clothes/accessories/bags for uni. gss seems to be the best opportunity for this except that i'm not a fan of shopping. heh. window shopping's fine but searching for ideal products, complete with fittings etc is honestly too much a hassle. sigh. i need to drag myself out into the maddening crowd clamouring for irresistable sales and bargains soon. haha.

5. recently, i've started listening to a korean band, ss501. apart from the the obvious fact that i dont understand the language and lyrics, their songs and catchy beats are not bad. i guess this offers strong evidence that musics transcends age, religion and language barriers. just listening to their songs are enough to perk me up. haha, perhaps i should pick up korean for fun after all. :D

6. i'm considering stopping my work in sound min. somehow i dont feel that i'm growing and i need more "carpet time". i should ask them before the new schedule for july is out thou. for now, i'll continue thinking about it. it's a difficult decision. sigh.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-06-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

i dont know what's wrong. how can i improve if you dont even tell where the problem lies? can someone pls answer all the "whys" swimming in my head. i think i should just stop going home altogether. seriously.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-05-31T07:54:00.000-07:00

this will be a short post because i need to read 2 scientific papers by tonight and it's already 10.55pm! uh oh, watch the seconds tick by. haha.

so i've decided to extend my contract/attachment again, except that this time it's an extension of 1mth instead of 3mths. (: i guess it's exciting to start on an entirely new project, to get new insights into different research areas, fresh perspectives, new techniques and machines to grapple with and much more to learn. it's just that i cant deny i feel a lil jittery abt starting a new project, esp since i'm changing mentors. both are definitely good, just that i'm afraid it'll be difficult to adjust to a different learning/teaching style and that i'll make mistakes and be scolded! =\ hopefully, the latter doesnt happen tmr or i cant envisage the consequences. sometimes, when i consider and contemplate upon what i've done for the past 6mths, i feel that there isnt much i've accomplished/discovered but i guess that's what research is all about -- expt, trial and error, fine-tuning and improving. i admit that i'm nervous abt tmr but i promise i'll give it my best shot. for someone without bio background, it's a tall order but i'll attempt to understand the terminology and experimental steps. i can, i must and i will. Father, pls help me. (:

just returned from badminton with dhini's family at her condo. one word to describe the game: awesome. (: when you're so desperate to play a game, just whacking the shuttlecock and feeling the pace and thrill of the game is enough to satisfy you. i didnt realise that i missed playing badminton so badly until this afternoon. honestly, it was a good game. (:

moving on to a more serious note, i decided to accept nus over ntu and smu. i dont know if this is the right decision but i believe that if He has answered my prayer to be offered a place, He'll provide a way for me in the school. it's not that i'm not feeling nervous but it's a step of faith and trust which i believe i need to take.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-05-23T10:24:00.000-07:00

it's currently 1.25am and i guess i shd be sleeping since i'm on duty early tmr morning. just a few thoughts to pen down. this wk's been a nervous wreck, late nights of preparing of exit ppt and attempting to do expts to input better results for the exit ppts. obviously, the expts werent positive, which explains the term "attempting". sigh, i feel quite bad. i was so busy with work that it totally slipped my mind to pen down a card for my fren's bdae.now it's too late to add it the other cards from the cell, sigh. sometimes, i wonder what i've been doing with my life and whether these past 6mths on attachment was fruitful or whether i shd have just did some fun hol job like other students eg waitressing, sales. it is at this crossroads of life that i begin to question what the meaning of life is, how do i know if what i'm doing is what i really want to do, whether there really is more to life than living and dying, before the harshness and brutality of corporate world invades my idyllic reverie.

honestly, i need to consider my next 2mths carefully. i really want to do something meaningful before school starts so that when i look back at my teenage years, i can truthfully say that it wasnt spent in vain. maybe i shd take up korean/swimming classes, haha.

posmp ptsvyovr od lo;;omh ,r. yjr ,ptr o ptsvyovr, yjr ,ptr ,u omyrtrdy smf psddopm gpt yjr omdyti,rmy fo,omodjrd. dp,ryo,rd o epmfrt u o rbrm yppl oy ip smf ptphtrddrf dp gst ejrm b, v;rst;y o,psotrf om yrt,d pg ypmr, poyvj m tjuyj,. tsjj. o mrrf yp ptsvyovr frdprtsyr;u niy eptl yslrd ip errlfsud, ejovj ;rsbrd nstr;u sm jpit prt fsu yp ptsvyovr. o, ytuomh, o trs;;u s, niy o kidy vsmy fp oy. yp lmpe yjsy i p;su pppt;u od nsf rmpihj, yp lmpe yjsy pp; fryrdy jrstomh i od do,p;u jrstytrmfomh. rdp og yjsy'd upit dodyrt. o vsmy vpmyomir p;suomh og yjod vpmyomird.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-05-15T21:34:00.000-07:00

hi world. i've been feeling quite tired this week due to the various meetings along the week and deadlines to meet. somehow, i get the feeling that not a single soul visits this blog since my tagboard's virtually silent. heh. oh well, i guess i'll still continue updating/blogging. when i'm older and left wondering how time simply flew by in the wink of an eye, i shall read this blog again and reflect. haha, alright let's ignore my random rambling and get down to real events.

1. i just received notification that my exit ppt is scheduled on nxt friday which translates to the need to work on my ppt slides everyday this wk. somehow when i read all the data i've compiled and results i've obtained, it seems that what i've done for the past 6mths was really trivial and far from any scientific discovery so to speak. characterization seems so technical and further studies on the samples have been garnering negative results. it gets to the point that i'm questioning myself if i've actually done anything productive these past few mths in the lab. i dont feel that i'm exploring and understanding the fundamental concepts of how my sample works. sigh. anw there was an influx of students recently, partly due to the start of uni break and a lvl students entering. sometimes upon comparison, it seems that i was a really slow learner. in my first few mths i was only expting compositions while they're already proceeding to chracterization in their first few wks. for the first few times in my research journey, i'm beginning to feel sorely inadequate. sigh. =\

2. on a different note, my mentor's been asking me if i wld like to extend my contract by staying in the same proj/changing proj. perhaps i shd change grp to gain greater exposure to various fields/specializations after all. the only problem is i'm not sure if it's relevant to my course and the fact that i havent had a break since a levels ended! oh well, i shall have to decide by sunday.

3. i'm currently trying to decide which course and uni pursue. somehow i feel that the school's approach and course content should precede the reputation of the sch. apparently, my parents and other friends i've asked do not share the same stand as me so i'm at a loss of what to accept. oh dear, i need to sumit my choice soon! Father, pls give me wisdom. (:

4. now that that the first h1n1 case has been reported in our neighbour msia, the possibility of contracting h1n1 has become a very real possibility. i suppose that wld also mean that i wld have to abandon hope of going for an overseas break/holiday before sch starts. =\

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-05-03T07:21:00.000-07:00

updates in point form. apparently the long break from school and the lack of academic writing has caused my mind to lapse into a lull, where penning down my thoughts into a coherent passage has evolved into a seemingly tall order. allow me to enjoy this momentory bliss before the rigour of school creeps into this reverie. haha. (:

1. i've finally received offers from both unis and it's my first choice! thank God (: honestly, it's definitely through grace because i highly doubt my academic results would have impressed them. i guess i've almost come to a decsion on my choice, thou i would still consider smu if they offer me my first choice. hmm if u want to know what i've been offered, ask me personally. (:

2. my attachment's almost drawing to a close so i'm attempting to end experiments in order to prepare my ppt. although the working hours were long, i've gotta admit these six months practically flew by and it was a valuable experience i didnt regret (thou i wld probably have earned more at another job!haha). apart from scientific concepts and its in vitro applications, what really amazed me was how individuals of different nationalities and races could work together so harmoniously and even spend leisure time together, in spite of the difference in culture and social background. it's in such an environment that i truly see the concept of a "global village" being developed and the true significance of being able to adapt and tap on innovative technology from different countries. on a different note and as trivial as it might seem, i've been amazed by the vast number of complex machinery or more specifically, the ingenuity of the engineers who designed the machinery. i cant comprehend how anyone could design the mechanics of the equipment so intricately that it can perform so many functions, through the application of scientific concepts. it's definitely been an insight into research as a career. (:

3. my bicycle tyre was punctured so i had to push the bike all the way to bishan under the scorching afternoon sun today. =\ oh well, at least it's fine now. anw i was so happy when it was repaired that rode the bike around bishan park. that meant that i was out with the bike from 3-7pm today, which explains why i feel kinda tired now. hopefully, i wont have muscle ache tmr. haha.

4. i've hobson's choice but to put my travel plans on hold. no prizes for guessing, it's due to impending spread of swine flu. sigh, i was hoping i could have fun with friends abroad but i might have to abandon that notion now. oh well, i'm sure we'll be able to organise other activities here as well. we'll see. =\

5. for the past few days, i embarked on my first sewing project for my sister's bdae present. bought the felt cloth from jin long and elsie, searched for chalk and colour pencils to sketch the template outlines, tried to undo many knots, learnt new stitches online, went to get the voice recorder, brainstormed what to record in the recorder and the domokun stuffed toy is finally done! (: haha, i shall post the final toy soon. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-04-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

backk (: i've not been blogging recently due to the following reasons: firstly, it's kinda tiring to blog after a entire day's of work and secondly, i highly doubt anyone would be intrigued by the donning of a white coat and the mixing of chemicals everyday. heh. anw here's an update of the past few days in point form cos' i'm rather tired.

1. work's been alright so far, at least the project is finally making progress agn (: of which i'm not allowed to divulge any details due to confidentiality issues so...my apologies =\
2. met up with yj,hl,gen and des last week over dinner. it was interesting and fun getting to know how everyone has progressing/working/slacking ever since the dreadful 'A's ended. haha. :D
3. my mum's in hosptl again. :( ( hopefully, she'll recover soon and the docs dont discover anything serious. =\
4. i havent received any uni acceptance/offer letters yet! I really pray that i'll be offered my first choice for the respective unis soon. somehow, each passing day brings a new set of jitters. obviously, it doesnt help that some ppl have already been offered places as early as two wks ago. sigh. i desperately need divine interevention and i believe He'll make a way, no matter what the final offer is. (:
5. i'm considering going for a holiday after my attachment ends. the problem is i cant seem to find anyone who's keen/allowed to go with parental consent. :( so if anyone wants to go for a holiday with friends, let me know! haha.

alright, that's all for now. so and farewell folks, take care. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-03-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

office politics are driving me crazy. rahh. there's more than meets the eye. i almost lost my temper at someone this afternoon. thankfully, i managed to keep my cool.

i'm mulling over my choices and hesitating if i should make changes. bioengineering seems intersting but i cant seem to envisage an entire career wrapped in research, coupled by the uncertainty that i can master 2years of jc bio in a semester of bridging courses. sounds intimidating doesnt it? somehow, pure sciences dont appeal to me as much as engineering. anw i doubt i'll be applying for the nus scholarship as i wasnt able to request for referees in time. sigh, another opportunity slipped past my fingers. =\ oh well, i'm sure He'll make a way for me in His time. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-03-14T06:01:00.000-07:00

it's been a hectic wk, occupied plans for today's cell outing at botanic gardens, scholarship applications, consideration of university courses, meeting with friends, attempting to obtain a referral letter etc. since i'm rather exhausted, i doubt i'll be able to narrate my week in any coherent prose form. alright, point form, here we go. (:

1. one word to describe the start of the week: results. the first thing which lab officers and my mentor alike uttered was "how were your results". inevitably, the second qn which followed was "which course are you applying for". i guess i should be glad that they were concerned, just that i didnt want to disappoint them. i'm relieved that it's met my personal expectations but ultimately, compared across the board, i guess it's just average or even mediocre. sigh. :(

2. i've been exploring courses, faculties and choices, not that i've many to consider. it's not a question of me having to choose but the uni having the final say. haha. i'm still considering mat engineering but i'm not definite if that's the thing for me.

3. the past nights have been spent planning for today's cell outing at botanic gardens, doing a "rackey" at the actual grounds where we trudged through the sprawling gardens from tanglin gate to jacob ballas! oh well, at least today's outing proceeded smoothly, azure blue skies, plentiful shade and a time to bond together playing pictionary. (: the initial half of the picnic was quite hilarious thou. we were just about to start lunch/picnic beside the lake when one of the two black swans started waddling towards us and pecking the picnic mat, which we guessed as an attempt to get our food! naturally, we started panicking and tried a host of hilarious scare tactics to lure it back to the water, including struming the guitar loudly and opening the umbrella repeatedly! thankfully, our scare tactics proved to be successful and waddled back to the lake after some time, much to our relief. lol.

4. went for the ntu open house alone this morning. it's quite an eyeopener, at least i managed to know more about mat engineering from the booth. somehow, mse still seems more enticing than cbe. oh dear,i need to decide soon!

5. tmr's another busy day lined with a flurry of activities: visuals, nus open house, ttm's birthday party. i hope it'll be a productive day and that i'll be able to find out more abt the courses from the open hse.

6. i'm wondering if i shd apply for any scholarships, considering that my grades are average, not the least outstanding in any sense. oh well, i guess i'll just give it a shot. after all, there's no harm trying. i'm so thankful that mr neo agreed to help me with the referral letter and managed pen it by the very next day i asked him! thank God. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-03-06T09:15:00.000-08:00

results were alright after all. actually, it was better than i expected except that it still isnt good enough for the nus course i want. sigh. =\ i guess it's a fusion of surprise and disappointment. honestly, i'm extremely thankful for His grace and favour that i've done much better than what i dared envision and definitely better than my prelims. (: in comparison to the rest of the cohord, it probably isnt anything to speak of, much less be proud of but i'm glad that at least, it has met my personal expectations. (: thank God (: the only problem is that it doesnt meet the requirement of the nus course i want. sigh. indeed, that is a difficult problem to tackle, one which i've no idea how to solve either. gd grief, the course needs straight As for entry! (btw, it's not medicine which i'm referring to) i feel so fustrated cos' i didnt realise before that it was so competitive. oh dear oh no oh me oh my, i really want to enter the course. :( oh well, perhaps i'll just apply and appeal and pray that i'll be able to enter. i believe He'll make a way for me. (: cos' Your grace is suffcient for me. (:

i'm off to smu open house alone tmr cos' i cant find anyone to go with. =\ sounds like a loner, haha. i was supposed to go there with des and yj on sunday afternoon but the accountancy talks are in the morning and i dont want to miss it. hence, the miserly trip tmr. heh. oh well, i'll probably just visit the open hse for an hour or two before rushing back for cell grp.

Your grace is sufficient for me
Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-03-05T18:29:00.000-08:00

it's 10.38am in the morning and i'll probably be receiving my results in approximately 5hours. funny thing thou, i dont feel as anxious and scared as the last few days, when the official announcement was broadcast. i guess that's a good thing, cos' no amount of worrying will change those digits now. perhaps pre-results jitters have an expiry date after all. haha. on tuesday, i was so worried that i had another nasty bout of flu again. thankfully, it's better now. sigh. i wonder how i'll feel at 2.30pm and once i open that slip of paper. honestly, i've not prayed so hard in my life before. i really want to enter mat sc and engineering. oh well, He's greater than our fears so i should stop worrying and trust. (:

Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect when i am weak
All that I cling to I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-02-27T07:43:00.000-08:00

i'm supposed to lead cell worship tmr and i'm quite nervous about it. firstly, its my first time (thou i've been in cell for years!haha). secondly, i was quite busy during the week and didnt have much time to prepare for it. thirdly, i'm afraid the choice of songs will be wrong. :'( i pray that all will go well and it will be a fruitful time. (:

results are rumoured to be released next friday but there hasnt been any official announcement. jitters, i pray that i'll be able to enter material sc & engineering. (: He's greater than our fears. (:

boe j tbx zpv upebz cvu ejeou ebsf up tbz ij dpt j ejeou lopx jg ju xbt sfbm. tjti.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-02-20T06:37:00.000-08:00

hmm....after a day of contemplation and reflection, i've decided that i've made the right decision after all. for the first time this week, i feel a little relieved and happy. (: anw i guess its a busy but exciting weekend ahead. an entire day of seminars, worship, word and planetshakers tmr followed by picnic with sec4 friends on sunday. hopefully, all will go well. i pray that it'll be a fruitful weekend, fostering of bonds, fun, laughter and focused worship and word. alright, i guess i should head to bed early before i doze off at the computer. haha. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-02-19T04:07:00.000-08:00

upebz xbt uif gjstu ujnf j sfkfdufe tpnfpof. j ipqfe uibu xbt uif sjhiu efdjtjpo cfdbvtf j epou xbou up mjwf up sfhsfu uijt ebz. b ujohf pg sfhsfu. j ipqf xf'mm sfnbjn gsjfoet bu mfbtu.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-02-14T04:19:00.000-08:00

b gbdf jo uif dspxe. j hvftt j tipvme cf hmbe jutpwfs cu xiz epft ju bdift. tjhi.

a state of confusion. sometimes, i wonder if i'm making the right decisions. i just hope i wont regret the decisions i make. if its in His will, there will be a way. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-02-08T06:03:00.000-08:00

today was a day mixed with emtions: fear, worry, happiness, a sense of accomplishment, shock, disapointment, exasperation, anger, angst and a sense of loss. went for nat vertical marathon this morning. initially, i was only planning to get the bag and quickly run home! haha, because i promised my parents i wouldnt participate and due to sinus as well. it turned out that the ingenious organisers only allowed collection after the race and since i was alr there, i decided to join. after all, i figured it was just for a fun, a challenge which seldom came by and i could stop whenever i felt tired. thank God, i managed to complete it in 34min. that was when i felt a sense of accomplishment. (: apparently, my sis didnt think and started questioning me the moment i stepped into the house. i mean, i understand her concern but i doubt the harsh tone was called for. besides, i had alr proven that i could complete the marathon within my limits so they shd trust that i cld take care of myself. rahh.

anw i was so exasperated and disappointed that i went to pasir ris beach to emo and reflect upon what had happened. sometimes, i wish my family was closer. we hardly talk to each other when we get home from work and the last family hol was more than 7years ago. perhaps its due to the age gap or simply the fact that we're so caught up with work and friends. on the way to the beach, i passed by the interchange and saw the ns guys filing up to report to camp. what amazed me was that i saw a guy hugging his mum beside the mrt. i'm not sure if this is a sweeping statement but somehow, i dont think youths these days display their affection for their parents in public, perhaps due to embarassment so i felt that was really brave of him. i guess this could also stem from the conservative asian society and i'm guilty of it as well. throughout my life, i've not actually told my parents directly that i love them. perhaps if we did show more affection, our families would be closer, at least i hope. somehow, i feel that my family is becoming more detached in our emotions and feelings with every other day. sadly.

on a lighter note, i probably wouldnt climb the stairs for the next few days cos' my legs are exhausted from all the climbing and walking at the marathon and pasir ris beach respectively! haha.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-02-07T06:41:00.002-08:00

25 random things (written in facebk as well)

1. i dont really fancy bitter stuff, esp coffee and dark chocolates (thou i know most girls like it!). the only time which i drink coffee is when i need to stay awake but then again, it doesnt really work. once, i fell aslp after drinking a double shot espresso.

2. i'm a deep sleeper. when i was young, my sister placed the alarm clock beside my ear while i was sleeping. apparently, i didnt hear it and continued sleeping. haha.

3. i dont particularly like sweets. when i do buy sweets, its usually lakerol passionfruit or lemon. (:

4. i'm usually a jeans and shirt person, dont really want to go through the hassle of dressing up.

5. i listen to almost any genre of music except trash metal and techno. frankly speaking, i dont think music consists of ppl screaming into the microphone or jarring noises (no offence meant!). that's another reason why i dont buy cd albums recorded 'live'.

6. i'm currently searching for a korean comic called "Iljimae", written in 1975 by Ko Woo Young. I've been to all the major bookstores in town and Comics Connection but its nowhere to be found. :(

7. i like to learn new languages but it's so difficult to get the pronunciation of words correct when you learn from books/internet. once, i spent 3 or 4 days learning malay from a book but i forgot most of the vocabulary after a week, probably due to lack of practice. =\

8. i dont have any favourite fruits but i dislike bananas and papayas. banana-flavoured cakes and biscuits are fine thou.

9. my favourite sports are badminton, squash and cycling. although i like badminton, i'm not good at it. i guess if i could turn back time, i would have started learning badminton at a younger age. (:

10. sometimes, i talk to myself. it helps me to remember concepts and organise my thoughts.

11. i prefer reading books in bookstores than buying them cos' i probably wouldnt read them again. perhaps once or twice, but not several times. i think the harry potter and mitch albom books are awesome.

12. i would like to travel around the world one day, with friends/family off the beaten path! africa would be interesting! :D

13. i feel cold easily so i usually bring a jacket out with me. often, everyone in the house would be complaining about the heat while i'm wearing a jacket. haha.

14. i dont have any cravings for food rigiht now but cheesecake and a milkshake would be nice. (:

15. i havent decided on a course of study in uni and i'm starting to wonder when results will be released cos' it's almost mid-feb. jitters.

16. my nose is perpetually runny due to sinus. thats why i usually bring a whole carton of tissue or at least 5packets of tissue in my bag!

17. when i was in sec sch, there were several ppl with whom i looked alike. once, when i was my friend's house, her father mistook me for her cos' it was dark and both of us had the same hairstyle. that was rather hilarious. haha.

18. on several occasions, i had weird and scary dreams when i slept. once, i dreamt of a massacre where robots were controlling the world and killing everyone. that was freaky.

19. my favourite subject is mathematics but i probably wouldnt take it as a major in uni, due to the limited career options. sigh. anw i think pure maths is definitely more interesting than statistics.

20. i'm not a big fan of movies and tv. somehow, i dont find them interactive and interesting. i dont mind watching any tv programme but i probably wouldnt switch on the tv to watch a particular show or follow a particular serial, unless the plot's really intriguing. "iljimae" is an exception. haha. ;)

21. i'm not sure if i should register for btt and driving lessons. even if i get the license, i wouldnt have a car to drive anywhere!

22. i want a new crumpler. a bigger black one would be good. *hint hint*

23. my favourite presents are cards cos' i can still read them and reminsce the times. i actually kept a box stashed with birhday and christmas cards, since sec sch. haha. somehow, i think ornaments and soft toys are cuddly and cute at first sight but i wouldnt really rmb the giver after some time. (no offence!). anw i dont usually receive soft toys due to asmatha.

24. i eat a lot of junk food, not snacks and chips but fast food. bk's mushrm swiss, kfc's chessy meltz and mos are the norm. maybe its because i usually have a load of activities and time's not really an option. :(

25. 25's a special number cos it was my jc class for the past 2 years. 25/07 woosh! :D

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-01-31T06:51:00.000-08:00

backk (: this shall be a short post as i've some reading to do for my interview this thurs. (: it's been a hectic week fraught with worry, impatience, hunger and fatigue. my mum's much better now but still feeling naseous. she's still warded so we've been trying to visit the ward after work each day. hopefully, she'll get well soon and be discharged. sigh, i've practically be starving this entire wk. my dad's down with a flu so i cant get money from him and with the hopst bills increasing, i guess i've to make do with bread for lunch and breakfast for nxt week as well. gd grief. =\ oh well, on the plus side, at least my mum's condition is improving. (:

just received an email for an interview this thurs. i dont know many people in this programme so i'm not sure how to prepare myself for this interview either. i guess i'll try to read up on the essay topic in greater depth. if there's a will, there's a way. (:

on a lighter note, i've been searching in vain for this korean comic called "iljimae" by ko woo young, written in 1975. i've tried asking major bookstores and comics connection but they dont have any stock. ebay doesnt have it either. how disappointing. =\

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-01-26T05:31:00.000-08:00

it's the first day of cny and i guess i should be happy about this public holiday,given the rare respite from work but i'm not. something serious cropped up this afternoon and my mum's been warded in icu. hopefully, she'll recover soon. sigh, we cant even talk to her cos' it's an isolated ward. i pray that she'll recover soon. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-01-09T19:01:00.000-08:00

work's been alright i guess. apart from meeting friends for dinner or other events, it's almost becoming a routine -- wake up, eat, run to the bus stop/mrt, expts, lunch, expts, go home, tv, sleep, repeat. not that i'm complaining, cos' i think it's a good opportunity to be exposed to the industry and practical problems they face. haha. i really want to make this attachment a fruitful one, whether or not i study science eventually. anw 2other ppl exited yst so it could more quiet next wk. =\

went for an syfc event last night to get to know the juniors and seniors better. actually, my intention was to reach in time for "word" but by the time i reached there after work, the "word" had ended. :(( oh well, at least i managed to get to know other youths volunteering at syfc as well as the juniors and seniors. i need a greater passion for Him. honestly, it's difficult to desire Him. all along, i held the notion that duty and enjoyment were 2 entirely different things. however, when i read the book, i realised i was wrong. "The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever". hmm....that's a revelation which had not struck me before. sometimes, i think we get caught up in the whirlwind of activities that we forget that should use these activities to glorify Him by enjoying them and His presence. it is definitely a challenge for me which i should try to do. (:

on a lighter note, recently, i've been intrigued by this korean drama serial "lljimae". somehow, the dilemmas and the character of the protagonist in this show just seem different from other shows. undoubtedly, being eye candy is another boon. haha. btw, in case you don't know, i dont watch drama serials closely very often. heh. :D

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-01-04T05:28:00.000-08:00

bought my first Christian book yst, or more accurately, i've bought a few before, just that this was the first one i bought on my own. it's "desiring God" by john piper. i guess now that there arent as many activities and events on my calendar, i really ought to spend more time with Him. (:

i'm currently brainstorming for ideas to write the essay. it seems that the ideas which spring to mind seem to be disciplines, not specific concepts. oh no, i need find a unique concept quickly before the deadline draws near. i guess this sounds rather vague so do ask me personally, if u want to know more. haha.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-01-03T04:47:00.000-08:00

maybe i shouldn't return home for dinner so often. it seems that each time i go home for dinner, my mum gets upset for no apparent reason. exasperated. seriously, what do i've to do to make you happy? apparently, academics are all they want. stop comparing us to other children, we're not perfect alright? i'm sorry for not being who you expect.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2009-01-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

it's difficult to forget the past and move on, gather the pieces and forget that memory ever existed. pretend it was simply a figment of my imagination. perhaps it was never meant to be. all i hope is to remain friends at least. if only who was meant for would read it...

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-12-31T23:00:00.001-08:00

1.1.2009. a brand new day, a brand new year, a brand new phase of life. i'm not sure what this new year will bring but i pray that it'll be a fruitful one. evidently, results and uni applications weigh heavily in my mind but everything happens for a reason, i trust and i believe. (: welcomed the new year in church instead of marina with 25 and i guess it was a blessing in disguise. if there's a will, there's a way. (:

new year resolutions
1. discipline in qt and academics
2. pass grade 8 piano practical exam
3. to be more decisive
4. enter nus science (i guess this depends on my results but i believe He'll make a way)
5. get back to running at macritchie (:
6. healing and forging of relationships (both strained ones and new ones to be forged in new environments)
7. focus ('07-'08 were hectic years marked by a flurry of activities. jack of all trades, master of none. i need to consider committments and activities to undertake after greater consideration. take no chances.)
8. to spend more time with my parents. now is the time. perhaps the so-called "tween" years are often clouded by ideas of independence and escape from the parental shell but if we dont spend time to build our relationships with them now, when will we ever start to do so? when we're working and inundated by deadlines? i guess not.
9. courage to let go of the past and embrace new environments
10. to be a better daughter, sister, friend, shepard and sheep

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine
When all else fails
Neverending, your glory goes
Beyond all fame

happy new year folks (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-12-26T09:13:00.000-08:00

sadly, it's a day of goodbyes. this was the last day of work for jiali and zy s i guess the lab would rather quiet from next week onwards. no one to lunch with, no one to buy strawberry milkshakes with. sigh. =\ oh well, i guess i'll make new friends soon, at least i hope so. (: anw we went to the gelare outlet at dhobby after work to chat. i guess i'll miss them next week but for now...i'll have to think of an explation for the failed expt results. another goodbye, wati's leaving tmr. somehow, i wish she wouldnt leave so soon. i've spent more than 2years with her after all. alright, i need to stop being so emotional. to freeze the moment and hide the tears, i must.

on a lighter note, i just created a facebook account, partly out of boredom and partly out of curiosity as to what this great ruskus is about. good grief, almost everyone i know has an account! haha. alright, how this account turns out, for better or for worse, we shall know in the days to come. :D

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-12-23T17:04:00.000-08:00

its a rainy morning and i'm not at the lab today, not because of christmas eve but ironically due to a nasty bout of flu. rahh. =\ went to see the doc last night and he gave me an mc for today. hopefully i'll recover by tmr. (:

ccis on fri and monday was a humbling experience. we spoke to ppl on orchard rd and at the christmas village at dhobby. while some ppl were receptive to the Word, some ppl simply rejected us and walked away. i wonder if this what He felt when rejected by ppl on the street. it's a mixed feeling of disappointment and compassion for the lost. just looking at how commercialized christmas has become with its motley crew of sales promoters and performances promoting everything from rudolf to shopping except the actual christmas story of love and sacrifice makes me wonder if the true spirit of christmas has been lost. :( i'm not sure if this is correct but i feel that sometimes its not others are not open to the Word, its just that they could be afraid of society's perception of them or they simply dont see that He is real. for anyone reading this, do visit orchard or dhobby(the ppl in red) to find out more. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-12-16T07:56:00.001-08:00

i'll make this post a short one cos' i've to work tmr, gotta wake up early. anw just returned from dinner at j8 swensens with the j2 squash girls team. we caught up with each other, chatting abt life after 'A's and work while waiting for coach to come. i guess it's times like this where i realise that no matter the circumstances and problems which i faced throughout my 2years, some memories would still be incised in our memories. kinda miss the times we had together running in macritchie/school track, doing fitness physical trg in the courts, simply whacking the lil black ball, gossiping on the benches, laughing at coach's jokes, encouraging each other and feeling nervous before matches and many more incidents. perhaps i'll try to make a trip to macritchie one saturday morning to run along that familiar route which i used to trudge along these 2 years and say hi to that familiar welcoming face. (:

my mentor's returning tmr and i hope he'll be satisfied with my expt results. (: thank God for everything. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-12-14T06:03:00.000-08:00

just returned from yf camp so i'm kinda tired. shuffled between work and camp on thurs and fri, followed by a stayover at camp on sat till sunday. oh well, at least the fatigue was worth it. i guess this was one of the youth camps where i truly felt His presence and how real He was, who He truly was to me and how He actually experienced the very same feelings of sympathy, love and anger as we feel in our broken world. perhaps simple isnt always bad, after all we wouldnt be able to grow without strengthening our "roots" first. (: thank God i actually went for the camp as well, cos' i was so tired after work on fri that i was considering if i shd skip the morn workshops. thankfully, i didnt. (: a pity it had to rain on sat afternoon. otherwise, i'm sure wet games would have been a whole load of fun. haha. oh well, sardines and pow were alright i guess. kinda liked my grp this yr, quiet at times but still enthu for games. thank God (: back to the real world, it's scary and intimidating but we'll do it together. i need a spirit of self-discipline and a real walk. this time, it wont be an empty promise after a "spiritual high". this time, it'll be for real and i pray that i wont stumble.

yay, i've found 2persons who could be in the same firm which i'm in. i cant wait for company. (:

it's a hectic month ahead and here's the schedule in point form:
1. yj's bdae
2. squash dinner with coach
3. xmas village
4. badminton with huili! (: (i miss the rackets and shuttlecocks=\ )
5. 2507 chalet
6. prepare xmas gifts (i've exactly 10days to do it and that's a rather tight deadline!)
7. work ( as usual. haha)

anw, got this quiz from ly and charisse's blog. just for fun :D
1. Have you ever done anything illegal?
Nope, excluding jaywalking! haha.

2. Would you rather spend a whole day with your mom or your dad?
my mummy. thou both would be ideal.

3. Where will you be 12 hours from now?
work. =\

4. Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
i guess i get along alright with others but it's difficult to truly develop a sense of belonging.

5. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow?
probably some polo tee which i'll rummage from the cupboard before running off for work tmr. haha.

6. Who do you wish you were with right now?
kimupmh, "sclubseven" as well as a jco oreo donut to make it a trio :D

7. Is it easy for people to make you smile?
quite easily.

8. Does anyone hate you for no reason?
i hope not. :(

9. Can you make yourself cry?
nope, but i cry easily.

10. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
5hours if this morning's sleep is included (cos' i slept at 2am)

11. Is your life simple or complicated?
in my point of view, it's complicated. yet, its through these complications where i realise His love and grace and life's wonders.

12. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
probably, i could have studied literature instead of econs. i would use the opportunity to shower more love on my grandma, build stronger friendships and relationships, study harder and started learning badminton at a younger age. (:

13. Have you ever been too drunk to remember anything?
nope, i've not been drunk before.

14. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
do enlighten me where wyoming is first!

15. Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with a C?
nope.

16. Have you ever been out past curfew?
countless times, when i was younger. now, my curfews are later and easier to keep to. (:

17. What are you doing tomorrow?
work and purchasing/making of christmas gifts if i'm not tired.

18. Are you easily confused?
a little.

19. Do you think you would make a good parent?
i hope so. (:

20. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
cookies and cream.

21. What was your last place of employment?
citibank.

22. Are you taller than 5 feet 4 inches?
sadly, no.

23. Have you ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
no comments.

24. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
Natural.

25. What color are your socks?
pink, blue and white.

26. Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
i cant remember but i think so.

27. Do you fall for people easily?
sometimes.

28. True or False: Everything happens for a reason.
True. i believe He has made a way for me and planned every single event in my life. (:

29. Have you ever dated someone more than once?
nope.

30. Who have you texted today?
my sis, yj.

31. When and what was the reason behind the last time you cried?
disappointment over prelim results, relationship problems, family issues. yep, i guess it sounds quite complicated.

32. Have you ever liked anyone on your myspace?
nope, i dont own a myspace account.

33. Do you find members of the opposite sex confusing?
sometimes. after all, we have a completely different train of thought and biological systems.

34. Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
yep and its a secret. haha.

35. When is the last time you saw a big group of friends?
today, during yf camp which lasted from thurs till sunday.

36. What are you listening to right now?
jason mraz. (:

37. How has the week been?
tiring yet fulfiling.

38. Is there something you wish you could tell someone but you cant?
yep.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-12-07T23:14:00.000-08:00

kinda bored. alright, its a rainy day and i'm supposed to be out shopping to spruce up my almost sparse wardrobe, just that i'm too to leave the comfy house to do it. haha. for those who know me well enough, i'm not really into shopping. heh. oh well i guess i've hobson's choice cos' i need to get stuff for work. =\ 7months is the longest holiday i've ever had but i'll make it the most fruitful holiday ever, or at least i'll attempt to. (:

i've finally completed the birthday present. it took 3long weeks to complete due to a few hiccups along the way. personally i think it looks quite nice, esp since i went all the way to east coast twice to get materials! haha, oh well let's wait for the response. (: meanwhile, let me pull myself away from this keyboard and the comfy chair to get clothes for work. haha.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-12-04T06:27:00.000-08:00

1. i wonder how prom went last night, a pity i couldnt go. it would exciting to see the photos taken thou, i'm sure everyone looks stunning/dashing. haha. (:
2. 2nd day doing labwork today and it was alright i guess. i really appreciate my mentor for being so patient with me cos' i was a lil confused with a few expt steps. yet somehow i still find him scary at times, probably cos' ssef judging is still etched in my memory! haha. anw i hope to make this attachment a fruitful one and hopefully, to gain a deeper insight into research. (:
3. i was bored after work so i decided to drop by ikea queensway to chk stuff i could possibly need. well, it turned out i certainly needed a long list of stuff except that i didnt have enough cash. =\ oh well, maybe i'll make a 2nd trip down once i've received my paycheck. haha.
4. passed by macritchie on my way home. the weekly squash saturday runs inevitably drifted into mind. i miss coach, macritchie runs and squash. :( maybe i shd try to run at macritchie this sat and visit coach as well. (:
5. technically, i've to read my articles on drug delivery now. apparently, i've not so i shall hurry to finish them before i fall into deep slumber while typing on the keyboard.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-11-28T05:29:00.000-08:00

i guess i havent been blogging lately cos' i've been busy with internship preparations, birthday gifts and such. went cycling at east coast with ps n fatimah this morning followed by hsm3 at j8. the movie's not bad and i guess a few scenes do resonate with teenagers' everyday experiences, which probably offers an added advantage. i guess teens these days do realise the need to lead a fulfilled meaningful life, one that truly reflects our character, aims and principles. while it's true that some parents may restrict their children's career paths, i guess we ought to consider those who have so much freedom that they're in a conundrum as to what to choose. our strengths may not correspond with our wants and vice versa;therein the problem lies. how do we live a meaningful life within practical means? that is the qn that begs an answer. all of a sudden, i'm confused. at the crossroads of the life and the academic passageway, it is indeed a strange and confusing transition, often distorting and drastically changing the primary intentions we sought to achieve in the first place.

it starts next week and really am quite scared about it. i hope i can meet their expectations and have 3months of fruitful experiences and more. (: i'm really grateful for bw for lending me her bio notes! (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-11-22T05:31:00.000-08:00

class outing at botanic gardens yst!(: alright, since barely half the class turned up, it might not be considered a class outing but at least it was quite fun and definitely better than wandering ard town aimlessly. basically, we played a game of frisbee at botanic gardens and were intending to stay longer but had to leave at 4+to meet cw n qh at amk. thk God the birthday surprise at amk worked and we able to celebrate the birthdays before everyone left. (:

hmm....i've finally thought of an idea for the birthday gift which i'll not divulge here. haha. i shall be scourging for materials in town tmr and pray that it'll be a success cos' i've not tried this before. ;)

i've some serious literature research to do starting from next week. otherwise, i might be able to prepare a mean research proposal in time! jitters. i shall brush up my bio foundation next week before the intenship starts. thank God for His grace and favour for bringing me through the interview. (:

on a lighter note, i've finally mastered the solution to the rubik's cube. (: gd grief, i'd never known that such a simple 3x3cube could require 7long steps. oh well, at least the cube's been solved. (:

5 things and more to thank God for this year!
1. Desiree's dad for sending gen, nic n i to school on every single school day. otherwise, i could possibly be a familiar face at the school porch by now! haha.
2. thank God for his favour in entering srp as well as science and sports competitions. honestly, it was a mammoth task juggling 2ccas and a flurry of other activities.
3. health during the 'A's. although i had a flu during all the other major jc exams, thankfully, the problem didnt crop up as significantly during the most crucial moment. (:
4. understanding group mates and teammates. owning to the fact that i had 2ccas, it was really difficult to juggle everything make it for every meeting/trg. thank God that the group/team was understanding and tried to update me on stuff i missed out sometimes. (:
5. prof was being so understanding, helpful, thoughtful and friendly. (: i didnt know that profs could be so down-to-earth and understanding, not till the attachment at least! thou i always had many queries abt research procedures and questions regarding the project, i was really thankful that she tried to address them patiently and to the best of her ability, in spite of her teaching commitments. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-11-19T22:56:00.000-08:00

alright, so it's a sunny day out and simply splendid for cycling, except that circumstances prohibit cos' my feet are aching from going out for the past 2 days =\ anw yst was a fulfilling day. went to suntec with gen to get the puzzle and we spent the rest of the day at my house to solve the puzzle. it was a 300 piece glow-in-the-dark puzzle and the end result was really awesome (i'm not kidding!). it's constructed in such a way that if the rm's pitch dark, the sihouettes of pooh, eeyore, tiger and kanga could seen. i'm sure how to describe it accurately. sry! =\ haiz...if only i could hang it in my rm instead! haha.

i'm considering if shd make a trip down to kinokuniya to read a few books which i've been eyeing. problem is my feet are aching so i'm not sure if the trip's worth it. haha. oh well, anw these are the books: a thousand splendid suns, freakonomics, 50things that should change the world, the audacity of hope and kiterunner. oh well, we'll see. (:

at long last, the email has finally arrived. (ask me personally if u wanna know) (: just 2nights ago, i dreamt that they sent me a letter by post but obviously it didnt happen! lol. anw i've to reply which dates i'm free and i'm still undecided. uh oh, gotta hurry!

Farewell, the doughnut

2008-11-18T07:23:00.000-08:00

backk! (: yep the dreaded 'A' levels have finally drawn to an end and today's physics paper 1 marked the last of it all. i guess what's done can't be done so i shall not comment on its level difficulty nor how i thought i fared. what's the point when it isnt going to change the results? all i would like to say is thank God for bringing me through it all and for giving me the strength to pull through these 2 years, both the 'highs' and the 'lows'. (: actually, i'm rather exhuasted so i shall blog in point form. (:

1. yay, 'A' levels have finally ended. i pray that i'll do well to enter nus science. (:
2. exhausted cos' i travelled to a whooping 6places today!
namely: friend's hse, her granddad's hse, sch, expo's food fair, all saints columbarium (to visit my grandma's ashes), clar's hse to bake cookies (:
3. the food fair was quite a disappointment, just the usual local fare. in fact, you could compare to a huge advertising ground with food samples and a ravenous crowd.quantity devoid of quality =\
4. currently racking my brains to think of creative ideas for birthday gifts. somehow i feel that handmade gifts are much more sincere than store-bought ones cos' you're sacrificing time and effort, not just to make it but to even think of the idea in the first place. (: yay, i hope it'll be a success. (:
5. initially, i was planning to cycle/jog tmr but today's travelling was so tiring that i shall push cycling to this wkend/nxt wk instead. anyone game to cycle at east coast nxt week? (:
6. i've been checking my email practically every single day but i seem to receive mail from everyone except that one organisation that i've been waiting for! =\ "only successful applicants will be notified". oh no, i hope they'll reply soon. i really want the internship! (: oh well, at least the final interview was interesting. i've not met such highly focused individuals for a long time, at least not since srp ended. haha. honestly, it was rather intriguing. (:
7. i'm contemplating if i should cut my hair(probably at kimage trg studio, i'm on a shoestring budget. haha) or simply leave it, hopefully not to grow into unruly ends! the conundrum lies in the fact that it's too short to tie up yet too long to run/cycle without me sighing in fustration. oh dear oh me oh my.
8. currently on a non-bake cheesecake obsession. since the recession prevents any excessive spending, i shall attempt to make "no-bake" cheesecake both to occupy my time and tastebuds. note the word "attempt", cos' the last time i made it i used the wrong measurements and it was a disaster! lol. anw i hope it'll be edible this time round. i shall get the ingredients at carrefour tmr. (:
9. i'm considering if i should resume grade 8 piano practical. if i want to do in time for next's year's practical exam, i'll have to do it fast. otherwise, woe betide me if i cant the pieces, scales and oral skills before the exam date. therein the nasty problem lies in the fact that if i do work/do an internship, i'll be hard pressed for time to practise on those black and white keys to conjure up a melodious tune. with such a tight schedule, the likelihood of concocting jaring noises is highly possible i daresay. now you see the problem folks. rahh, i need wisdom! haha.
10. i've surfing the internet in hope of solving the rubik's cube on my table but the more i read the instructions, the more confused i am! rahh. i'm unconvinced that i cant solve this simply 3x3cube. i'll do it. the question is simply the time duration i need. ;)
11. now for some respite and much deserved hiastus.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-10-11T05:14:00.000-07:00

i guess this would probably be the last few posts/last post before the big 'A's (the last exam is on 18th nov), depending whether i need any more stuff online/from ivle. after these 2 long years, it's finally here. somehow it's feels so surreal, as if we were on a long sec sch excursion and never stepped into jc at all. 19more days till the first paper on 3rd nov! somehow i feel rather unprepared and scared. nonetheless, i'll still trust and believe in Him and in myself. it's funny how everything seems to have come to an end suddenly, just when u least realise it and all the stress builds up to a peak, that u realised it's ending soon. i dont think i've fulfilled my expectations during these past 2 years but i would say that at least i've tried my best. perhaps that fateful day where i sat in the go meeting room before 3 unfamiliar faces and professing my hope to enter those green walls were right after all. perhaps my results are pretty lousy and there have been sad stressful periods but i guess ultimately, it's in His plan and He has brought me through this. (: 19more days. it's an amazingly short period and i'll do my best to prepare myself because i believe as long as my Father is for me, nothing can be against me. at this point in time, whether or not i can do it is not the crux of the matter, believing and simply trusting is the key. just the other day, my friend said believe that you're the champion and that you can and you will do it. even if you are not (the champion), just pretend! haha. yes, i'll go the distance so at the end of the road, i'll say with confidence, i've tried my best and have no regrets. Help me, Father.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-10-03T06:06:00.000-07:00

signed up for wep and interview's on tuesday. jitters. i really want to qualify for wep and get the ibn attachment, thou if that's not possible, i wouldnt mind moe and museum attachment as well. (: i feel it would be an insight to gain such experience and the internal workings for these bodies and how they function. i guess grades is the deciding factor in my form but i hope they'll focus on the individual, talent, attitude and experience rather than academic success. sometimes i wonder why i even bother to apply when the odds are stacked against me? well, i guess there's no harm trying. i really want to get the ibn attachment so badly. if my God is for me, then who can be against me? (: i pray for favour and wisdom. (:

yf bbq at sarah's hse tmr and i'm in a conundrum as to whether i should stay at home to study or go for it. after all, it's an opportunity to know other cell grps in yf. if only i could be in both places simultaneously. haha. oh well, i'll decide tmr afternoon, depending on tonight's productivity, which doesnt seem positive in the slightest sense! uh oh.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-09-30T04:29:00.000-07:00

backk. (: i realised my blogging frequency has been gradually gradually, whether for better or for worse i dont know. haha. oh well, a few updates/rants for the past few days. let's not procrastinate and go in order. (:

1. dad's birthday on monday but we celebrated it a day earlier on sunday instead. i guess this year's was probably the most "anti-climax". instead of the usual buffet at a hotel, we simply ate pizza, salt-baked chicken and mutarbak (nt sure how to spell it). hopefully, he wasnt disappointed. after all, we did try to make time in spite of our busy schedules, not forgetting travelling to buy the fd as well! at least it was a fusion of cultures on the dining table, lol.

2. we've finally received all our papers back, including math paper 2 and econs. math was quite alright bt econs was simply horrifying. didnt have time to reel from the shock before having to start math test during tutorial thou, haha. the second hand is ticking ever so quickly and time isnt on our hands anymore! how how how? :'(

3. results for colours, dsa, merit and commendation awards were released today and i'm quite disappointed actually. after all the effort and time sacrificed for the countless competitions n srp, i thought they wld actually recognise the effort but it seems to be otherwise. sigh, i guess perhaps i cld be overambitious after all. i dont deny that possibility. pls dont be mistaken either. i dont have any ill feeling towards anyone. i'm just disappointed in myself, failing to do well enough in science research. sigh, is it wrong to have expectations? i guess not but it's the failure to meet those expectations which shatters. i was trying so hard in sch not to show my fustration and disappointment cos' i didnt want to affect the rest who were happy, but somehow i couldnt ignore the emo feeling. rahh.

4. on a brighter note, i'm quite happy over an incident today. (: dont wna elaborate but i want to say a big Thank You to those who've encouraged me. honestly, it makes a world of difference to know ppl understand and support you. (: thks a million and jiayou for 'A's! :D

5. went to fill my tooth today cos' the orthodontist said i had a decayed tooth. =\ basically, they just placed silver into the tooth thou i've no idea what the rationale was. anw i think i was quite scared during the filling cos' the dentist said i was trembling throughout the entire treatment! oh well...it was quite painful. haha.

6. F1 was simply exhilarating, great chewing gum for the eyes except this time the chewing gum is packed with great flavour, high strung action and the like. hamilton was good and so was alonso n nico. (: it was a pity for massa to literally drive off his chance to win thou. oh well, not to despair, there are 3 more grand prix to go. i'm rooting for hamilton to win thou. haha.

yep i guess i'm done with this post. that's all there is folks. all the best to everyone else in this huge test of our capabilities aka 'A's. it's just abt a month away. hang on in there and jiayou. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-09-25T08:07:00.000-07:00

oh no, i just realised that the handphone strap which ps gave me has become "crazy"! technically, it's only supposed to light up when the phone rings and when i receive a message but it has been lit up for more than 3hours continuously! oh me oh no oh my how? i dont want to be spoilt! :'( honestly, thou i may not say anything, i do treasure every single thing which frens and family give, including cards and their wrappings! oh dear, i hope it's not spoilt. =\

alright, so i overcame my fatigue today and managed yet another afternoon in the lib after sch. i wonder how long this determination and strength can last, at least for the whole of 'A's i hope. (: oh my, i feel so exhausted. it seems that the fatigue and stress grows with each passing day. oh well, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! :D i do, i do, i do believe. yeah. a big Thank You to everyone who has shown concern in the past few days, even while i might have been stony, moody and all, thks a million (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-09-24T07:24:00.000-07:00

recently, i've contracted this morbid obession with the sch library and i've been poring over revision stuff in a corner of the library everyday after sch. heh, just kidding. *shudders* who would want to waste a perfectly good afternoon stuck in its boring four walls? lol, not me, most definitely not. it's just that with 'A's approaching close than ever and with the enticing bed and sleep bugging the exhausted mind at home, i guess it could be more practical and useful to revise in the lib after sch than succumbing to sleep at home. =\ bleh, not that i've a choice anw. :( with each passing day, i'm beginning to feel more useful. yes,"useless", you didnt misread the word. i cant believe i'm still getting getting such horribly lousy grades near 'A's. honestly, i feel so fustrated to the point that i'm considering giving up chemistry and simply focusing on the rest of the subjects, which could possibly yield better results. then agn, who am i to foretell the future? frankly speaking, i'm at a loss of what to do. rahh.

apparently, the tagboard doesnt seem to be functioning properly, or least i cant seem to upload any messages. =\ so i guess i shall just have to reply tags here.
to "Goldman":) : hello. oh yep, i forgot abt the high risk factor. haha thks. yep, frenship shd definitely be cherished and saved! :D btw, may i know who you are? sry, i've forgotten yr name!=\

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-09-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

start of the wk or to be precise -- start of a dismal wk, made possible all thanks to abysmal prelim results. :'( sigh, so after all the effort, it still boils down to this, even gp didnt fare that well as i expected either. sigh. =\ anw it's wasnt such a huge blow this time round and i didnt feel as shocked as when i received midyr results, thou both arent very much different in terms of grades. not that i've become indifferent to studies, its just that after trying so hard and seeing that everything seems futile, i guess it kinda inevitable to become immune after some time. after all, nothing seems to work. i'm not trying to say that i'm not going to try anymore, it's just that somehow i dont feel motivated to persevere that much anymore. what's the point of struggling to complete a whole load of prelim papers and exercises when the results obtained isnt very different to the one without effort? rahh. i feel so discouraged and fustrated cos' i dont know what to do anymore. previously, lack of time was a valid excuse. now, with all the time spent on books and notes, there clearly isnt a marked improvement either. so what exactly is the problem? honestly, i have no idea and would dearly love to find out. rahh. i need to find the drive and motivtion agn. help. =\

on a lighter note, i was kinda bored at home yst so i cycled to chomp chomp. haha, i was too lazy to go for a jog you see. heh. surprisingly, i met 2 ppl whom i didnt expect to be in the area, some aj guy fr c24 and sabrina. haha. anw i didnt have much cash so the only stuff i could fork out were carrot cake for my dad n chicken wings for sis. oh well, at least the chicken wings were not bad. :D alright, no more trips to chomp chomp nor any other cycling expedition till after 'A's! firstly, it lightens my wallet. secondly, instead of burning calories, it is quite the contrary unless i exercise extraordinary discipline not to buy any fried stuff! thirdly, my bike's brakes arent functioning properly so it's dangerous to cycle so far on the road. forth and most imptly, i need to find motivation and discipline to go back to the bks. haha. alright, dreamland beckons. so long and farewell, folks. (:

immune, why?
Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-09-20T07:56:00.000-07:00

good grief, ever since prelims ended on tuesday, i've been slacking everyday. haha. anw went to sengkang recreation centre swimming complex with the class yst. i've gotta admit the swimming pool's really fun, with twister slides, a mini jacuzzi, 4 huge swimming pools and suntanning chairs as well, except that i couldnt swim cos' i had to rush for tuition at 6pm. =\ oh well, i guess swimming outings will beckon again after 'A's. haha.

anw just came back from dinner with peishan, fatimah n sherm at cafe cartel, caught up with each other and chatted abt life in jc and poly. i guess friendship could be compared to an investment bank where the greater the time and effort invested/sacrificed, the deeper it grows. hopefully, no matter what happens in future, we'll still continue to stay in touch. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-09-16T10:36:00.000-07:00

backk! (: oh yeah, the awful prelims have finally ended so i guess it's time for a brief hiatus before the great battle rages again. heh. oh well, i'm kinda exhausted but at least today was quite fun. (: after phy, we had a class outing at orchard cinelesiure and ended with the usual tete-a-tete aka gossip aka chatting sessions at food republic. haha. anw i've gotta admit wall e's really good, a fusion of the hilarious moments of the robots' actions and their emotions. It's amazing how pixar is able to used animation and robots to illustrate human emotions when humans themselves are inept at it, cos' we're simply too distracted by material pursuits. hopefully, it isnt a foreshadow of how the future will be like cos' i certainly dont want to be an adult trapped in a child's body, both physically and mentally. lol. anw it's awesome so if you havent, try to "catch" it, trust me, you won't regret. :D wall-e! oh yep, the "chatting session" was quite interesting as well. i guess, due to all the deadlines and exams, we havent had the time to gather to chat and simply "gossip". haha. alright, i'm tired, off to bed! (:

upebz j tbx zpv jo uif ibmm boe xboufe up tbz ij, cvu j hvftt jut upp mbuf dpt jut pwfs. tjhi.

Thank you Father, for helping me to pull through this difficult period of exams and deadlines. (: i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-09-03T09:16:00.000-07:00

happy birthday to me! (: aiyee, one year older may not warrant one year wiser, thou it most certainly gaurantees one more white hair. haha, oh well, hopefully not. heh. anw it's not exactly been a splendid birthday. after all, i cant even eat my cake or else i could incur the wrath of my unwell stomach. =\ oh well, on the brighter side, thanks everyone for all the birthday messages! :D it really made my day, thank you! (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-08-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

this will be a short post cos' i'm not feeling well and my stomach seems to have a vengence against me. anw down with a fever and stomach flu. =\ sigh. hopefully, i recover soon cos' i really need to focus and study. yep, i've faith that He'll heal me. (: if faith can move a mountain, i'm definite it can heal a stomachflu! (:

2008-08-27T23:09:00.000-07:00

oh my, i just realised i havent blogged for eons. oh well, not that prelims and all are that exciting. heh. anw kinda tired. the last 2 days were basically gp and econs prelim (today). thankfully, the qns were quite "do-able", at least i'm hopeful that i'll pass econs this time. (: anw saw the advertisement in the newspapers for comex fair and i'm wondering if i shd check out the headphones n speakers, prob is how does one fork out abt $100 in 3 days? lol. i can imagine my mum screaming at me if i even suggest the idea. alright, we'll see. after all, there's still time to consider before the fair ends and my dream of getting speakers evaporates. (:

not sure if you'll see but fatimah if you do....
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY FATIMAH and NIC! :D

on a lighter note, here's a side joke. warning: this article may contain offensive material. haha. [with courtesy of nigel's blog (:]

behold:

the quaint little town in Germany:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-08-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

aiyee i just realised gp and econs prelims are barely a wk away! =\ that's utterly horrifying, taking into account that even though there might be a slight glimpse of hope for gp, my econs is certainly nowhere close a "pass" standard. rahh. i guess i'm probably the slackiest person in class cos' the moment i reach home each day, i end up hugging my bed rather than my notes. gahh, how fustrating. honestly, i need start my coffee expedition again, irregardless of the fact that i think it's bitter and would rather exchange it for tea anytime anywhere. anw revision's been rather lousy so far so i really need to buck up before the prelims loom closer and the jitters start harassing me again. sigh, pls pray that i'll have discipline and wisdom! (:

the olympic fever's on and it's highly evident on every street corner, at home, in school... in short, everywhere. haha. toilet breaks during time practs, late for lessons, watching tv late at night accompanied with a host of hilarious actions just to catch phelps/jiawei/the other olympic greats in action! just the other day we were in blk 2 (it's not very near the canteen) and we heard the screams and shouts when phelps won his 5th gold! honestly, i've gotta admit he's simply phenomenal, an olympic legend in every sense. 8olympic golds in 1 olympic alone is no mean feat at all. yep, i've been motivated by him to strive harder in my academics. yepyep, it's all a question of determination, discipline and sheer hard work. i can, i must and i will. yeah. phelps simply rocks. (:

sigh. my b-dae's in abt 2more weeks and i guess i wont be cele it at all. after all, with prelims and all the deadlines, it'll be difficult to find even 5minutes free. =\ just imagine mugging the entire day on yr b-dae. eeyer. oh well, at the most, i'll study in swensens myself. haha.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-08-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

oh dear oh no oh me oh my, i woke up late today! gahh. woke up only when desiree called to say she was rching my hse! lol. anw it definitely wasnt supposed to be like that! firstly, i didnt plan not to go *ahem. secondly, i really wanted to go for the lunch n cele. thirdly, it's just that i forgot to set my alarm today! =\ which means i cant go for lunch either :'( sigh. oh well, i hope at least all goes well n it'll be a nice surprise (: sigh. i feel so guilty. it wasnt supposed to be this way. =\

looking at the relay kinda makes me feel quite sad. i guess i cant blame it on anyone but myself, since i chose this path myself, without force without pressure. jz that i didnt expect it to turn out this way. i mean, it would be nice to have company sometimes. i doubt any rational person would like to be a loner all the time. sometimes i wonder if i were to disappear from the face of the earth, would it really make a difference? i suppose it might not. i dont know, really. =\

anw took this personality quiz at http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx ,after seeing it on ly's blog. i've gotta admit to a large extent, it's quite accurate except for a few results which certainly arent true! haha. anw have a look (:

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of your love (this isnt true!):
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
Your views on education:
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-08-05T05:08:00.000-07:00

[at the request of some loyal readers, i've increased the font size. (: ]
recent happenings in the past few days have been thought-provoking. sometimes just when u reckon that u know someone well, it turns out that you've been sorely mistaken. no offence really at anyone or anything, just random thoughts swimming in my mind so i thought it would be a gd idea to pen it down. sometimes i wonder if what meets the eye or what we understand of a situation or person is actually merely a fraction of the depth of the issue in question. perhaps all too often we get too caught up with work and other committments such that we neglect what's actually impt to us and are simply shocked when we discover that what we understand is simply the surface. a facade, a cover, the surface, the tip of the iceberg. on the flipside, perhaps all these ramblings are simply a figment of my imagination run wild, the ramblings of a deranged mind and simply out of the question as they're downright unrealistic. frankly speaking, i dont know. i've no idea either and perhaps in such a situation, silence is the best solution.

ministry dinner at ichiban sushi yst was quite alright i guess. basically, it was jen, emily, cheeze, py n i cos' clara was busy n dan was in ny. caught up with each other and decided we couldnt do anything abt the sep "exodus" currently! haha. anw aft dinner, py had to leave early so we tried to find a place to chill out n chat. lol. aft flipping thru the menu and 3 unsuccessful orders at nebo, eventually we made our way down to coffeebean[which was the original plan, nebo was cheaper you see. haha]. i guess despite the age gap, we can still get along and i really appreciate that they try to talk abt less "business" stuff cos' i dont really understand it. i've to admit it was weird initially having dinner with everyone else working thou. haha. anw it was quite a productive night, at least i got to know them a lil better. (:

alright, i need to keep myself of this addictive com. gahh. off to the books i go. =\ cya folks.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-08-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

hello world (: and i'm back aft abt a wk of hiatus. evidently and most unfortunately, i failed in the 2wk escapade from the clutches of the laptop. rahh. =\ anw life's been kinda boring lately: sch, mug, break, mug, lunch, mug, mug mug, dinner, mug. sleep. repeat. oh my, and i guess i'm not alone either cos' it's mirrored everywhere in college as well, for j2s that is. library, check. outside audi, check. classrm, check. ohana, check. eeyer, it aint pleasant. really. haha. anw i'm getting quite worried. prelims are just ard the corner and my absymal grades dont offer much assurance at all. eek, i ought to buck up and stop slacking but how? :( plus my runny nose's bugging me agn =\

stuff to do this week:
1. stop falling aslp halfway at home while studying
2. do physics revision lecture qns
3. aj n mj math paper (the class has alr completed it!)
4. in short, stop slacking!

the tales of beedle the bard! :D it's one of the most recent books written by jk rowling (she's my fav author btw) and i cant wait to lay my hands on it! hopefully, it'll be just as good if not better than the hp series. yayy. (:

visuals tmr. hopefully, i'll manage study tonight and still do visuals tmr. uh oh, i just realised econs timed pract is on mon and i havent even touched my notes. gahh. alright, gotta go. jiayou everyone (:

ibwf j rwrs tbje uibu j njttfe zpv? cfmjfwf nf,j ep.=\

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-29T05:16:00.000-07:00

went to trim the unruly mob of hair todae, so it doesnt bob up n down when i run during pe! haha. anw we ended sch quite late n i was tired so i decided to get a haircut at amk ctrl instead, at "okinawa" to be exact [cos i was rather broke!lol]. it's not exactly fantastic and probably not as nice as the previous one but oh well, it'll have to do for now. let's wait for the responses and reactions tmr. :D i'm really really sorrie [to ^^] cos' i jz saw the tag! apologies =\

i wanna watch "the dark knight"! the reviews have been awesome, or at least those ppl i've asked said it's good. hmm...the qn that begs an answer is how to salvage time out of my tight schdule to catch a glimpse of it n if anyone else wants to watch it, esp since the approaching prelims have sparked a "mugging" furore in the campus among the j2s. haha. we'll see. (:

we've exactly 97 days [including today] to the ultimate challenge of our junior college journey aka "doomsday" aka "the huge "As". itimidating isnt it? =\ alright, i ought to buck up n stop slacking. chem remedial was simply depressing. i realised i was one of the 2 students out of the entire remedial class from last term who still obtained abysmal grades. sigh sigh sigh. i guess desperate times call for desperate measures. as such, i shall attempt to only blog every 2/3weeks, thou i daresasay that the chance that i'll fail to acheive that is 110 out of 100! then agn, what harm would it do to take a chance n try this new system, in hope of keeping my itchy fingers of the computer? cya folks in 2wks! (:

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

such a tiring day today. it literally packed back to back with lessons and yet more lessons, other than the birthday celebration we held for our class! (: anw it was "2507" day so we ordered 6pizzas from sarpino's, huge cake and made a art collage for lao shi. rather eventful and i felt it actually helped to bond the class together. after all, we dont spend time as a class volutarily often doing fun stuff, esp with the prelims drawing near. haha. happy birthday class! (: alright, back to why today was so tiring. its due to the following reasons: sch till 2.45, remedial till 3+ which was eventually postponed halfway, econs test till 6+, rushed for math tuition till 8+, dinner[with only 5min to spare to chew and swallow. heh], gp tuition till 10, math qns n doubts, home at almost 11. yep, quite a full day, which explains why i'm so exhausted. haha.

my hair's getting a tad too long so i guess i should get a haircut soon. oh well, lazybones me might as well just get it at srgn central, reason being its near and cheap, albeit not exactly fantastic. then agn, there's a price to pay for everything. haha.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-23T01:57:00.000-07:00

random thoughts. i'm supposed to be studying now but here i am online...as usual. heh. i'm supposed to be in sch at careerfair now but here i am at home, partly cos' i'm tired partly cos' i've a blocked nose. i guess that kinda evens it out. anw i saw this on a random passer-by's shirt yst "God is the dj, life is the dance floor, and i'm a party-boy". at first glance, i was quite outraged and indignant when i saw it cos' it seemed condescending, but on closer inspection, it might make sense after all. if life is really a dance floor, God would control every single aspect of our life (just like how the dj controls the music and moves on the dance floor be it techno, rock etc) and we, the by-standers and particpants of life could be compared to the so-called party boy, the person trapped on the dance floor, who doesnt need to worry abt the moves thou he's unsure of what might happen next or who he might meet, because the dj would ultimately play music which he can dance to and we wont have to worry abt what might happen to us next either, cos' God is ultimately in control of our lives and provide us with whatever we'll need. (: yep, just a random thought, when i saw those words printed on some random guy's tee i saw at the coffeeshop. haha.

prelims are just around the corner and i'm still so unprepared! oh dear, i really am in desperate need for divine intervention, discipline and wisdom. help!

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-19T05:36:00.000-07:00

everyday is an emo day. i think i'm losing focus and strength on whatever i'm supposed to do, be it sch, church and what have you. aft cell today, i walked home in a blank, armed with the need to seek and store treasures in heaven, but sorely lacking the determination and strength to do what's needed. rahh. i mean, i know i need to continue hanging on in there, but its just so tough. the more i study, the more problems i face eg when i cant do questions, the more i feel that i'm such a failure. sigh. maybe it was a mistake right from the start to enter jc. yst's ptm was essentially a disaster. dad went ard telling at least 3of my teachers that i failed almost everything. wth. seriously, was there a need for it?! yeah, i know i'm a failure and i'm lousy, but is there a need to discuss this with my teachers, even those subjects which i didnt fail? rahh. my mind's a vacuum now, cant find any purpose to do anything. it seems that everything has become a routine. why?

went for pl musical yst. it was awesome (: thou i would still prefer the Father's hand cos' of the sense of attachment from the choir, rehersals etc, i've to admit that yst's musical was definitely remarkable, esp when they had fewer practices than us. kudos to the teachers and students for the fantastic performance :D

grasshopper mentality. tiny and insignificant, not cut out to achieve anything. sigh.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-14T04:37:00.000-07:00

with each passing day, i feel a deeper sense of urgency. its not that i dont try, it's just that whatever i do doesnt seem enough and truly isnt enough. perhaps the chem teacher was justified in criticising the band 3 ppl after all. sigh. inferiority complex.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-12T20:16:00.000-07:00

6hours of badminton yst has made my arms and legs very sore indeed. 4hours of badminton interhse and 2hours of badminton trg in bishan sports hall, which means i probably played approx. 13matches in all yst from 8am-2pm! oh well, as expected, we didnt win any medal in badminton interhse but at least we scored 91points and clinched 4th or 5th position. (: i think that's a feat in itself cos' we didnt have any formal trg in badminton unlike others who were in pri/sec sch badminton. thank God (: alright, now for the aftermath, muscle ache cream and stretches. bleh.=\

there's a guy selling his purple barney rustle blanket crumpler in the classified x-change for 70dollars. given that the price is more than half the original price, the offer seems somewhat incredible and i suspect the crumpler could possibly be dilapitated and in tatters! hmm...we'll see, if its still in gd condition, i might consider it. prob is i'm rather broke now. haha.

came across this blog while bloghopping. i think this guy's v.talented cos' i could never have written so many poems. haha. [http://www.cuttecumberzii.blogspot.com/]

here's one of it. it's titled "wake up time":
been trying to cover the signs of aging
time's passing so fast things keep on changing
guess the time to wake up is now..
before the big test i bow..
i think my mind is getting slow
in it rust has started to grow..
familiarity has been giving me the occasional
jab too,
it almost like its deja-vu
hang on dont get knocked off this railway track
of time
you wont be able to jump queue so just stay in
line
it'll soon be your turn so dont fret
for this obstacle is gonna be the biggest one
yet

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-11T08:06:00.001-07:00

jitters, badminton interhse's tmr and i feel quite scared. somehow, i dont feel prepared for it. oh well, i dont exactly have high expectations for it but i hope that we'll be able to win the first match and qualify for round robin at least! (: yep, i believe that if there's a will, there's a way and He will make a way. :D

bought 4 slices of cakes from cedele yst for my sis's bdae and i'm glad she liked cos' i'm rather broke now, or in gp terms "economically challenged". haha. anw cedele's carrot cake and chocolate walnut cheesecake is fingerlicking good and leaves you craving for more so if you've the means to, why not give it a try? it's worth every penny. (: that saying, i guess i'll be surviving on bread crumbs this wk since i exhausted my wallet's contents on the cakes. =\ haha.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-10T05:54:00.000-07:00

a surprising thing happened todae. flipped opened my pencilbox chalkboard during temp taking and i realised someone had written "smile claudia =)", which was quite surprising esp since the last time i checked my chalkboard was on sunday! honestly, it really made my day and for that moment, i really smiled. (: i guess when life becomes tough and dreary, its hard to believe that ppl even bother abt u, esp when u arent really in nor out of a clique, but cant do much to change yr situation either. its small acts like these which light up yr day and encourage u to strive on in the face of difficulty. i really appreciate that word of encouragement and thou i dont know who wrote it, if you're reading this, i jz wanna say a big "thk you". thks a lot! (:

hmm....and i guess u're right, i need to stop being so emo. no doubt the results are lousy and the situation's tough, but being emo wouldnt help either. sigh. okay, i'll try to think on the brighter side and make a greater effort. even if doesnt seem all that easy. try. (:

oh my, drastic times call for drastic measures. of late, i've resorted to having lunch with my notes and tuts, very pleasant company indeed. heh, obviously not. oh well, dont be mistaken that i've been addicted to the nerdy road, its just that midyrs results have kinda shocked me so i think i shd invest greater effort n time in studying [however unpleasant it might be=\] the qn is how do i carry out precarious balancing act? having lunch with the class in the canteen is definitely a more welcoming option than "mugging". rahh. how? oh well, i'll try to balance both and see if it works. :D

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-09T04:41:00.000-07:00

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh.
i need to shrug off this feeling of despair, esp when almost everyone ard me keeps lamenting abt their awful results yet still fare a much better than me. rahh. i guess i'm no longer in that dire state of panick and shock. on the contrary, it has evolved into one of despair and despondency. somehow, i dont really feel motivated to strive further any longer though everyone says i shd. the more i stare at my paper, the more numbed and discouraged i feel and the entire "emo" cycle repeats itself. rahh. perhaps i shd resort to studying in sch aft sch everyday so i feel compelled to at least face the books/notes, whether i like it or not. heh. drastic times call for drastic measures. a note of apology to everyone i've been "dao"/indifferent/short-tempered to these few days, i admit i'm not in the best mood now. sorraye. =\

2b-daes tmr. pae classmate jy and my sis! (: haha. i shall surprise her with........shhh. its a secret which cant revealed, in case she visits this blog! haha. alright, i hope the trip to town tmr will be a fruitful one, which is worth it. :D

how do u define "despair"? its an indescribable feeling, when everything around you evaporates and loses its meaning, when nothing seems to make sense anymore, when whatever you do simply morphs into a day-by-day routine and when the smile on your face is simply a facade to hide the pain you're feeling. why?

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-06T21:27:00.000-07:00

if i could grab the hourglass and reverse time, i would.....
1. make my life a more meaningful existence than the failure i am now
2. love my grandma, my family and my frens more [my grandma passed away when i was in p5]
3. study lit for A levels instead of phy/econs =\
4. start learning badminton at an earlier age so i would be more pro now. haha.
5. be more disciplined, caring and not short-tempered
6. cherish my sec sch life more cos' the memories will no longer be repeated
7. not dsa at all! rahh.
8. put in more effort during choir [sec sch]
9. keep in contact with my overseas pals, sec sch pals and pri sch aquaintances
10. make the last 17+years of my life worth living for, not simply a dull existence mirroring every other person on the street
11. reach out with the Word to my other frens in sch, tuition etc. but i didnt dare to

tmr will come inevitably. the question is will i make it a worthy existence? i'm not bold enough to answer it but i'll try it when tmr comes. hopefully, it'll be better. oh well, on a brighter note, i need to go to cedele wheelock/novena on thurs aft sch. i hope my sis appreciates it :D anyone wanna come with me? haha.

Farewell,
the doughnut

2008-07-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

alright, i guess i shd try to stop being so emo and stuff. after all, i cant possibly be hidng in my rm n escaping from reality everyday. life isnt all fair and sunny but i shd still try to hang on in there. kinda getting over it but the sense of confusion and fustration is still prevalent. sigh. i wld like to say a big thank you to everyone who've been encouraging me these few days thou, at least i know i'm not alone in this "battle". (: these few wks have been a whirlwind of emotions, issues and events -- mugging, exams, release of results, fustration, desperation, disappointment, shock etc. sometimes you realise the need to start somewhere, the need to get back on your feet despite the setbacks, yet you've no idea where to start due to the chaos and upheaval in yr life. =\ i guess that's kinda true cos' frankly speaking, there's so many failures in various aspects that i dont know where's the best place to start because the sense of failure simply overwhelms and drowns you. argh. i really need to get started but how? pls give me courage to face tuesday in sch. i dont want to crumble again.

Farewell,
the doughnut